My friends and I keep a quote book to document the funny things we say, and the random shit that comes out of my unfiltered mouth. So here's a glimpse into my private quote book in regards to my conversations about mating and dating, and another installment of Sh!t Brittney says:

On the surprising Daytona NASCAR wins: "The Daytona race is as unpredictable as my period."

Dating advice to my 15-year-old nephew: "Try not to date girls who are dramatic on Facebook and don't keep their vagina in their dress. And keep your penis in your pocket until you're in a serious relationship. Nice talk."

"Screw the cow and the free milk — I'm lactose intolerant, more like, why buy the bull when you can get the shit for free?"

Friend: "Brittney lives on BST: Brittney Standard Time. She is going to be late to her own wedding."

Me: "That is if I even show up. I may even wear tennis shoes under my dress."

And, on doing laundry: "Separating whites and colors ... it just feels kinda racist."

You can witness my random ramblings first hand, live at The Comedy Zone that just opened in the NC Music Factory as I'm opening up for Jon Reep Wednesday, July 13 and Thursday, July 14. Come and laugh at my jokes, please, so someone will. If all else fails, you can laugh at me. Buy tickets here.