The following exchange took place between me and a strapping young lad one night at Red Rocks in Birkdale. Emphasis on the word "young."

Dude: "You should let me take you out to eat."

This which he says, not asks, as I'm in the process of eating at a table full of my girlfriends.

His cock-blocking friend: "He's only 22!" (shouted from across the bar)

Me: "crunch. crunch. crunch." (I finish chewing my food to at least be polite enough to not talk with my mouth full.) "As much as I enjoy eating, I'm sorry, I can't go out with you. You're only 22. That's like ... 15 in guy years. And that's illegal."

One of my girlfriends burst out laughing and proceeded to spit her drink out all over the table (and my plate). I should have taken him up on that meal, right then and there. Meanwhile, another girlfriend tweeted my quote with the hashtag #sh!tbrittneysays.

... What? At least I'm not saying men are like dogs by making them age up. Women just mature faster than men, and therefore age faster as well. Sucks for us.

I really would feel kind of like a pedophile to date a guy barely legal to hang out with me. I didn't even go to frat parties when I was in college, let alone now.

Or maybe it was just the way the guy handled himself like a rookie — interrupting a girls' dinner to tell me he'd like to take me to do what I was in the process of doing while he interrupted me. Even last year's Panthers' offense had better game. I'm pretty sure his boys just double-dog dared him to come talk to the cougar. I am cougar, hear me roar!

But the best part of this whole story is Michael Waltrip's tweet in response to it ...

(Re-Tweeting) @mw55 Does that make me low 30s ish?..RT @BrittneyCason: I can't go out with you, you're only 22. That's like..15 in guy years. And that's illegal!

... I guess it does. Lucky dog.