I went to get a facial at Lighten Up and Face It. When the therapist got to massaging my cheek area, she paused her hands and exclaimed, “Goodness gracious girl, you have knots in your cheeks.”

Like muscle knots you get in your neck, in my cheeks.

She dug around on my face a little bit more and came to a good conclusion. “You must grind your teeth or clinch your jaw. People tend to do this when they hold in something they need to say.”

Is this a therapy session or a facial?

"Ask your dentist to check you for TMJ. You might have developed that by clinching your jaw so much."

TMJ? What the hell is that?

That night over dinner I told my girlfriends about my new disease — TMJ, asking for insight and for someone to define the acronym for me.

They told me that it meant “Too Much Jizz”

They then proceeded to tell me that you get it when you give head too much. And then accused me of being a closet head case.

"That's why you have dimples ... to store nuts in."

Those bitches.

That’s not true of course — it’s TMJ, not TMZ.

By the way, TMJ stands for Temporomandibular Joint (TMJ) Syndrome.