This week's story makes me hope that some of you took advantage of the Black Friday sales and bought a butt load of toilet paper and soap.
Tisha and Sam had been dating for about four months. Sam and some of his fraternity brothers went out of town for the weekend for a guy’s trip. Tisha says she couldn't wait for Sam to get back. Clearly, they were probably still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship — put a few more years in and she will cherish her alone time. I digress.
As soon as he let her know he was back in town, she dropped everything and sped over to his house to see her "chocolate teddy bear." I'm so envisioning a Ruben Studdard type here, and hey, ain't nothing wrong with that.
Once Tisha rang the doorbell and Sam opened the door, they embraced and started making out like teenagers trying to hurry before someone's mom comes home. Don't act like y'all ain't done that before, hell you probably still do. Some of you still live at home, don't you? Anyway, Sam then pulled away and told Tisha he needed to stop and take a shower before things got heated.
Tisha said she didn't want to wait; she needed her teddy bear right then and there, but Sam kept telling her no.
Anybody else's red flag alert antenna just start beeping?
Sam tells Tisha that he needs to shower because he's been kicking it with his boys all weekend. PAUSE RIGHT THERE. Now, either Sam is one of those types who feel icky after traveling, or he ain't washed his ass all weekend, or he been someone else's velvet teddy bear before he got to the house. Now, bruh, Sam, bruh, you had plenty of time to rinsge off before Tisha got over there. In fact, you could have just jumped in the shower before you told her you were even back. I mean, I just don't understand.
Anyway Tisha will not be moved, so she keeps kissing and rubbing on Sam, and he just finally gives in. In fact, Tisha said they never made it to the bedroom. They just melted to the floor and got busy right in front of the fireplace. *cues cheesy soap opera music* I'm sure Tisha said, "Take me now!" in an effort to keep up with the soap opera theme.
After they finished their business, they fell asleep in each other’s arms. Tisha said the next morning when she woke up and started gathering some of her clothes from around the living room, she noticed the carpet had some stains.
No. I REFUSE to believe Tisha is about to say what I think she is about to say.
Tisha says there was a huge skid mark on that man's light beige carpet.
Upon further inspection, she notices another one over where Sam is laying. So ... let's not jump to conclusions yet, shall we dear readers? Maybe he stepped in some dog poo during his trip, and it was on the bottom of his shoes and maybe he was sliding across the floor like Chris Brown before Tisha arrived.
Or maybe ... just maybe ... this is what it seems like: That Sam didn't wipe his ass properly and has left the evidence all over his living room floor. Now I see why he wanted to take a shower.
Tisha slinks off to the bedroom and pretends to sleep, as if she hadn't seen the streaks of shit across the floor. When Sam woke up an hour later, he immediately jumps in the shower.
Tisha decides not to embarrass her boo by mentioning the brown spots on the floor, but she does take a peek at his clothes while he's in the shower. His underwear was stank dog dirty with skid marks like someone was racing from his peen to his ass. I just ... I'm trying to comprehend this. When Sam hops out the shower, he runs to the living room to place a sheet on the floor, as if that will hide the fact that he's a nasty mofo.
Tisha at this point is dressed and ready to go home. She first offers to help him clean up, but Sam, quick fast and in a hurry, tells her he doesn't need help and to call him later. With a quick peck on the lips, Tisha is on her way.
Nope, she didn't break up with Sam over his dirty draws, but she did learn a lesson. If a person tells you they need to shower first before hunching activity ensues, either they just got done hunching someone else, they were working out, or their ass is dirty. Let them shower.
Have you had a good or bad dating experience that you want to share? Go ahead, shoot an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. We'll keep your identity a secret — just let us know what dating in the Queen City is really like!