Mississippi burning? I wish!

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By Dick Cheney

Fuck!!!! Fucking Mississippi! Fucmoaijdsaatjliugdkaerjktakgaa

Sorry. That was my forehead hitting the keyboard. As you can tell, I'm a little upset about losing a House seat in Mississippi in this special election. I'm not sure how it happened. We spent more money, we got big names from Huckabee to Lott to Yours Truly to go down there and to top it off, it's fucking Mississippi! All a Republican needs to do to win an election down there is to accuse his opponent of being a Democrat!

And now all my maggoty buddies on the GOP blogs are saying we need to purge the leadership, that we can't beat either the black guy or the woman in the general election. Well, you know what I say to that?

Who says there's gonna be a general election? November's a long ways away, and who knows what could happen before then? Maybe another "terrorist attack" will force us to suspend the Constitution.

Christ, this isn't working. You know I feel really down when I can mention suspending the Constitution without cheering myself up.

At least I'm not the guy who had to deliver the news to me. I'm cutting this short because I have to call the maid and tell her to get rid of the carpet. Nothing stains like intern blood--trust me.

News Groper features more than 50 parody blogs by politicians, celebrities, business tycoons, and foreign despots.

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