It's that time of year again, when I bore you with a long list of Grammy Award predictions. That's right — I give my thoughts on all 109 categories.

In 2009, there were predictions for 110 categories. I only got 49 right, but would have had 61 if I went with first instincts.

In 2010, there were predictions for 109 categories. I did a little better as I got 52 correct.

Now, without further ado, here are this year's selections and comments:

Record Of The Year — "Empire State of Mind" was released in 2009, so it shouldn't even be included here. It would be hilarious to hear someone say, "The winner is, 'Fuck You'!"

Album Of The Year — I'd love to see Arcade Fire win, but I don't think it's gonna happen. Eminem is a possibility, but I think there has been so much hype about Lady Gaga that it's hard to imagine her not winning... and accepting while wearing some kind of meat dress or crustacean hat.

Song Of The Year — If there's one song on here that I've heard a lot more than the others, it's "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem featuring Rihanna.

Best New Artist — Mother of all haircuts, I hope that Capt. Helmet Hair, aka Justin Bieber, doesn't win this or any other awards. I'd love to see Mumford & Sons or Florence & The Machine take it home, but I'd guess it's gonna be Drake.

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance — I'd like to see Sara Bareilles win, but I don't see (unfortunately) people taking much away from Lady Gaga this year. I'd expect a new and unique hat for this one when she accepts. On a side note, I saw Katy Perry "perform" at the Vans Warped Tour a couple years ago — it was terrible. She was the best at giving a weak performance, but that's not the award here.

Best Male Pop Vocal Performance — I'm guessing Michael Jackson is the favorite here simply because of his death, not because it's the best song. I sure as hell hope it's not Adam "Screech" Lambert. With so many nominations though, I'll have to say Bruno Mars.

Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals — Mother of all creatures great and small, if they give a Grammy to Glee, I'm gonna throw something out a window. It's a TV show... with cover songs. You can't give a Grammy to a song that didn't win a Grammy. I'd guess Train is going to win anyway — and it'll probably be in a handful of commercials during the broadcast, too.

That's only seven of them... this is gonna be a long read. Go get a snack, take a bathroom break and crank up a CD.

Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals — I sure hope it's not Katy Perry's horrible "California Gurls." While I'd like to see Elton John and Leon Russell win it, I'm guessing it's not "pop enough" and would have to predict Lady Gaga and Beyonce singing the horrible "Telephone."

Best Pop Instrumental Performance — Jeff Beck and Gorillaz are strong possibilities here, but I'm going with the Brian Setzer Orchestra.

Best Pop Instrumental Album — Kenny G is still making albums? How cool would it be for The Doors' Robby Krieger to win? That's got my vote!

Best Pop Vocal Album — Let's be honest... who has the best vocals here? John Mayer is a guitarist, Katy Perry can't sing, Susan Boyle isn't pop and Justin Bieber is just awful. I hate to pick Lady Gaga here... Ugh. Do I have to pick someone? I'll say John Mayer is the lesser of all evils.

Best Dance Recording — Yeah, Lady Gaga's winning this one too... sadly.

Best Electronic/Dance Album — I'll go with The Chemical Brothers on this one. Goldfrapp would be my second choice.

Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album — Tough crowd here. I didn't know who to pick until I heard Barbra Streisand will be there to perform.

Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance — Another tough choice between Clapton, McCartney, Young and Plant. Having just seen Robert Plant in concert, he's getting my vote. 

Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals —  Would love to see The Black Keys win it.

Best Hard Rock Performance — Them Crooked Vultures put on a helluva show and released a great album.

Best Metal Performance — People seem to love Lamb of God.

Best Rock Instrumental Performance — Dweezil Zappa has talent, so does Jeff Beck. The Black Keys are possible, but I'm guessing Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds have the commercial success to get them this one.

Best Rock Song — I'd love to see The Black Keys here, too, but I'm guessing Muse will edge out Kings of Leon.

Best Rock Album — Give it to Neil Young.

Best Alternative Music Album — Give it to The Black Keys! Though I'm guessing Arcade Fire is the more likely winner.

Best Female R&B Vocal Performance — After all she's been through, I'm guessing Fantasia could walk away the winner.

Best Male R&B Vocal Performance — Usher's my guess.

Best R&B Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals — John Legend and The Roots should get this one.

It's getting tougher... and I'm not even 25 percent of the way through!

Best Traditional R&B Vocal Performance — I don't think John Legend and The Roots are "traditional" — I'm going to go with Charlotte's own Calvin Richardson.

Best Urban/Alternative Performance — Fuck you! I'm going with Cee Lo Green. Would be cool to see Janelle Monáe win though.

Best R&B Song — I'll vote for John Legend & The Roots again - you know they're taking one of these home.

Best R&B Album — And I'll pick them again here.

Best Contemporary R&B Album — Would be cool if Janelle Monáe beat out the boys here.

Best Rap Solo Performance — I think Eminem is the favorite.

Best Rap Performance By A Duo Or Group — I'm guessing Drake and T.I. beat out Jay-Z.

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration — "Empire State of Mind" shouldn't even be nominated since it's from 2009. I'm going with B.o.B. since it was played everywhere.

Best Rap Song — I'm going with "Not Afraid" - again because "Empire State of Mind is from '09.

Best Rap Album — Jay-Z is winning though he shouldn't for a 2009 album.

Best Female Country Vocal Performance — I'd be shocked if Jewel won. I'm guessing it'll be Carrie Underwood.

Best Male Country Vocal Performance — I'd like to see Jamey Johnson win for his traditional style.

Best Country Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals — I say give it to Zac Brown Band.

Best Country Collaboration With Vocals — I'd vote for "Bad Angel" featuring Dierks Bentley, Miranda Lambert and Jamey Johnson. Though I'll be honest and say I haven't heard any of these songs.

Best Country Instrumental Performance — Having seen them in concert, I'd go with The Infamous Stringdusters.

Best Country Song — I'm going for an upset here with "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry.

Best Country Album — To mix things up a bit, I'll go with Lady Antebellum.

Best New Age Album — I would have gone with Enya, but she's not on the list. Zamora... why? Because that's the name of the Torture King from the Jim Rose Circus.

Best Contemporary Jazz Album — Trombone Shorty put on a great show at Bonnaroo last year.

44 down... 65 to go.

Best Jazz Vocal Album — No clue, but people love Billie Holiday and a tribute album, so I'm going with Dee Dee Bridgewater.  

Best Improvised Jazz Solo — Hmmmm... either Herbie Hancock or Wynton Marsalis. I'm going with Herbie.

Best Jazz Instrumental Album, Individual or Group — Hehe, I'm going with Positootly! on name alone.

Best Large Jazz Ensemble Album — I like the sound of Mingus Big Band.

Best Latin Jazz Album — Doesn't get more Latinthan Poncho Sanchez. 

Best Gospel Performance — What's more gospel than Israel... Houghton?

Best Gospel Song — Amy Grant is always a popular choice.

Best Rock Or Rap Gospel Album — I had no idea that Switchfoot was considered gospel.

Best Pop/Contemporary Gospel Album — TobyMac is another popular choice...

Best Southern, Country, Or Bluegrass Gospel Album — The reason I'm going with The Reason? No idea.

Best Traditional Gospel Album — Patty Griffin sounded fantastic with Robert Plant the other night. Give it to her.

Congratulations! You just passed the halfway point. Go get a snack. Actually, get a beer. The more you drink, the funnier this will get.

Best Contemporary R&B Gospel Album — BeBe and CeCe Winans are always nominated...

Best Latin Pop Album — I think I've actually heard something by Alejandro Sanz.

Best Latin Rock, Alternative Or Urban Album — We reviewed Nortec Collective Presents: Bostich+Fussible.

Best Tropical Latin Album — Spanish Harlem Orchestra... it's not often that you see Harlem and Orchestra in the same sentence.

Best Regional Mexican Album — No nominees? Wow...

Best Tejano Album — I guess I can't vote for Selena if she's not nominated, huh? I'll go with Little Joe & La Familia.

Best Norteño Album — They've got Norteña in the name, so I'm going with Principez De La Musica Norteña.

Best Banda Album — Using the above criteria, I'm going with Banda Los Recoditos.

Best Americana Album — The show this week was fantastic. I'm going with Robert Plant and The Band of Joy.

Best Bluegrass Album — Sam Bush or Jerry Douglas always wins this category, don't they? Bush is the only one nominated this year, though.

Best Traditional Blues Album — I can't imagine that she'd win, but I've heard great things about Cyndi Lauper's album.

Best Contemporary Blues Album — A posthumous win for Solomon Burke?

Best Traditional Folk Album — I'd love to see the Carolina Chocolate Drops win it.

Best Contemporary Folk Album — I'll go with Ray LaMontagne and the Pariah Dogs.

Best Hawaiian Music Album — Daniel Ho - I can't imagine that Tia Carrere is going to win... again.

Best Native American Music Album — I'll go with the most traditional and versatile, the 2010 Gathering of Nations Pow Wow featuring various artists.

Best Zydeco Or Cajun Music Album — Chubby Carrier and the Bayou Swamp Band have Zydeco in the album title. My second choice would be Pine Leaf Boys.

Best Reggae Album — You have to go with the people who are legends. I'm picking the tribute to Peter Tosh.

Best Traditional World Music Album — The Soweto Gospel Choir album is the only one I heard.

Best Contemporary World Music Album — Doesn't Béla Fleck win something every year?

75 down, 34 to go...

Best Musical Album For Children — I'd love to see They Might Be Giants win it.

Best Spoken Word Album For Children — Julie Andrews seems like she'd be popular with the kids.

Best Spoken Word Album (Includes Poetry, Audio Books & Story Telling) — Would be fun to see Sarah Silverman win.

Best Comedy Album — Give it to Kathy Griffin and let's hear the acceptance speech.

Best Musical Show Album — I'd guess American Idiot... you sure as hell know it's not Spiderman. haha!

Best Compilation Soundtrack Album For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media — Lots of good stuff on Crazy Heart. I hope Glee doesn't win.

Best Score Soundtrack Album For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media —Randy Newman is popular with the Grammys.

Best Song Written For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media — Give it to Ryan Bingham for "The Weary Kind."

Best Instrumental Composition — "Box of Cannoli"... mmm, cannoli.

Best Instrumental Arrangement — "Skip to My Lou"? Seriously? ... seriously.

Best Instrumental Arrangement Accompanying Vocalist(s) — "Imagine" involved Herbie Hancock, Pink, Seal, Jeff Beck, India.Arie... you think that's gonna lose?

Best Recording Package — Would be fun to see The Black Keys win again.

Best Boxed Or Special Limited Edition Package — They just broke up, so give it to The White Stripes.

Best Album Notes — Really? This is a category? I'll go with Side Steps about John Coltrane.

Best Historical Album — The Beatles. Enough said.

Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical — I'll go with Ryan Freeland for Ray LaMontagne And The Pariah Dogs.

Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical — Danger Mouse has the best variety under his name, though it's only three bands.

Best Remixed Recording, Non-Classical — It's a shot in the dark... Sweet Disposition. A guy named Axel was involved — that's my reason.

Best Surround Sound Album — Songs and Stories... isn't that what this is about anyway?

Best Engineered Album, Classical — Turtle Island Quartet... I like turtles.

Producer Of The Year, Classical — Most bizarre name gets it - Blanton Alspaugh.

Best Classical Album — Always go with the one that has a number in it. Bruckner: Symphonies Nos. 3 & 4

Best Orchestral Performance — This one sounds the fanciest - Stravinsky: Pulcinella; Symphony In Three Movements; Four Études.

Best Opera Recording — When I think of opera, the name Lulu definitely comes to mind. Berg: Lulu.

Best Choral Performance — Verdi or Bach? I'm going with Bach. If it was Verdi's Four Seasons, it would be a simple choice.

Best Instrumental Soloist(s) Performance (with Orchestra) — Daugherty: Deus Ex Machina is nominated a few times...

Best Instrumental Soloist Performance (without Orchestra) — completely random guess - Paganini: 24 Caprices.

Best Chamber Music Performance — Go with the classics - Beethoven: Complete Sonatas For Violin & Piano.

Best Small Ensemble Performance — Go with the odd name: Trondheimsolistene - In Folk Style.

Best Classical Vocal Performance — Somehow, I don't know how Vivaldi and Pyrotechnics go together... but sounds like a great performance.

Best Classical Contemporary Composition — I'm over the classical categories. More random guessing - Daugherty, Michael: Deus Ex Machina - again.

Best Classical Crossover Album — Give it to Bobby McFerrin so he can not worry and be happy.

Best Short Form Music Video — Lady Gaga is so freakin' odd that she'll probably win for her weird costumes alone.

Best Long Form Music Video — Again, go with The White Stripes.

That's it. Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for my thoughts on the broadcast...