Scary movies? Try scary music

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So, it’s time for Halloween. That one time of year where you can dress up like the opposite sex, get really drunk and jump out and scare people – and actually not get arrested. Where ladies can dress like a nun – if said nun was a hooker in her spare time. Or a nurse – if this particular nurse was a hooker on the weekends. Or a cop – if this cop was... you get the idea. Every year, you always gather around the t.v. and watch scary movies. You know like Dirty Dancing, Steel Magnolias, or anything with Matthew McConaughey.

And the radio stations and djs play those always popular spooky tracks. But here’s where they get it wrong. They always play “Thriller” or “Monster Mash.” They might get really wild and break out “Weird Science”. The problem is simple. These songs aren’t scary. There are plenty of scarier options. So djs and party goers, if you really want to freak out the crowd, just fire up one of these diddies – if you dare!

Jewel – Lullaby – forget a single song, just play this whole album. People will be peeing their pants in no time.

Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Madonna – Attack of the Killer Divas! Yes, believe it or not all three of these ladies(?) have new material out. Ever seen a grown man cry? Play one of these and you will.

Scarlett Johansson/Pete Yorn – “Relator” – Scarlett Johansson the actress = not-so-great. Scarlett Johansson the singer = you thought “The Exorcist” was scary? Distant 2nd my friends.

Nickleback – “Something in Your Mouth” – Just when you thought it was safe to journey back to rock music, this decade’s Creed releases yet another subtle song. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Shakira – “She Wolf” – You know on those old “Halloween” movies when Michael Myers is getting ready to slice and dice someone and that really creepy music starts playing? Yeah, they should just replace that with this.

Beyonce – “If I Were a Boy” – Put it this way, if Beyonce were a boy, every man in America would be Section 8. We’re talking global pandemic people. Forget the swine flu.

Eddie Murphy – “Party All the Time” – Scariest. Song. Of. All. Time. Just watch – but don’t blame me when you can’t go to sleep with the lights off.

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So fearless readers, what spooktacular tracks did I forget? Leave yours below.

And remember, when you lay down in bed tonight, and get ready to shut off the lights...

“My girl wants to PARTY ALL THE TIME, PARTY ALL THE TIME, PARTY ALL THE TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMEEEEEEE”


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