Getting Fat with the boys

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For Fat Tuesday last week, I felt like being a fat ass... So, I went to Fat Boys in Mooresville and really put the fat in Fat Tuesday.

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Some of my boys up at the lake told me about this buffet, with a bar... A Buffet-Bar?!?? Really? I thought that combination sounded more like drinking beer before liquor (never sicker) than going together like peas and carrots. Out of curiosity, and some slight disbelief, I requested they take me — and there is in fact a buffet inside a bar up in Mooresville. Dinner and drinks, anyone?

Remember the movie Coming to America... the Soul Glo? “Just let, your souuuuuuuuul glow baby, feeling oh so silky smooth” (sing it with me now). Well, at Fat Boys, I shit you not, I saw a Soul Glo mullet. I wish I could have taken a picture to show you, but that would’ve been rude...er than the fact I couldn’t stop staring at it. When the guy wearing it turned around and realized I was staring at him, I had to give him a flirtatious look just so he wouldn’t clue in to the fact I was in awe of awkwardness in regard to his tight-curled mullet that would’ve put old school Billy Ray Cyrus to shame.

In addition to food and beer, Twisters Shag Club gives shag lessons every Tuesday — that's the dance, not in the Austin Powers sense of the word.

There were some families and a group of young men from the NASCAR Tech school in the dining area masticating on fried chicken and the vast buffet variety of fried foods. And there were a few people at the bar drinking some PBR. The bar has so much NASCAR memorabilia hanging from the wall it could help decorate the NASCAR Hall of Fame — it also has a Panthers statue like that in front of Bank of America stadium.

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To be honest, the food alone made me want to surrender my night to going into a fatty food coma, I couldn’t imagine washing it down with beer — but that’s just me.

As I was dispensing swirl ice cream into my cake cone, one of my boys said to me, “You remind me of swirl ice cream — but you’re more minty than chocolate.”

First of all, it would be awesome if there was a Mint-Vanilla swirl in the soft serve ice cream machines, and secondly, oddly enough, I took being compared to swirl ice cream as a compliment. My whole life I’ve always been confused as to which box to check on government forms in regards to my ethnicity because the Caucasian box always had in parentheses “Non-Hispanic.” So, I just marked the Other box in fear of getting arrested or something. But now I am going to write in my own box: "swirl ice cream." Because there’s nothing wrong with being flavorful.

Of course, there are plenty of other places to go in Mooresville. For example, Indigo Joe's has more televisions than you can imagine, Vinnie's Raw Bar can give you a nice water-side hangout and Lancaster's BBQ — with a bus in the middle of the restaurant — might be viewed as the original Quaker Steak and Lube.

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