by Jeff Hahne
OK, my original plan was to pick the winners for all of the major categories of this year's Grammys they air on Sunday night. Then I thought to myself, "What the hell, I'm gonna pick them for all 110 categories!"
Sure, some of them are easier than others... and some of them I know absolutely nothing about, but that's part of the fun. Come back on Monday for my thoughts on the show.
Here are my predictions (you may want to get a snack... this could take a while):
Record of the Year As much as I don't want them to win, the popular vote would say Coldplay. If I had my pick, I'd go with Alison Krauss and Robert Plant.
Album of the Year I'd love to say Radiohead for this one. It's the best of the choices. Lil Wayne could surprise people with this one. Coldplay may be the safe pick, but I don't think they'll walk away with Record and Album awards. Of course, Krauss and Plant could take this one if not Record.
Song of the Year "American Boy" would win the award for "Most Annoying Song of the Year." Ugh, I still can't pick Coldplay. I'd go with Sara Bareilles.
Best New Artist Lady Antebellum would win if this were the CMAs. I'm going with Duffy.
Best Female Pop Vocal Performance If you're going on vocal talent, you'd almost have to go with Leona Lewis. Adele isn't well known, Duffy and Sara Bareilles will probably cancel each other out, Katy Perry isn't a great singer, Pink isn't either.
Best Male Pop Vocal Performance I think Kid Rock would be offended if he won an award in the pop category. Ne-Yo? James Taylor? I'd say John Mayer is the favorite, even though he's up against Paul McCartney.
Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals I'd say Coldplay is the easy choice.
Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals I'd guess Madonna, Justin Timberlake and Timbaland will walk away with it. Alicia Keys and John Mayer/Alison Krauss and Robert Plant have the best songs though. That Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown song is terrible.
Best Pop Instrumental Performance I'm going with Eagles, because that's the only one I've heard of in this category.
Best Pop Instrumental Album Again, you have to go with the most recognizable name and pick Béla Fleck & The Flecktones.
Best Pop Vocal Album You'd almost have to say Leona Lewis if you're looking at best vocals, although Eagles do offer some good harmonies.
Best Dance Recording Lady Gaga is all over the damn place these days, but with a top-selling tour going on, I'd guess Madonna will take this one.
Best Electronic/Dance Album Um, yeah. I have no idea. Cyndi Lauper? What year is this?!? I'll go with Kylie Minogue.
Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album I'll say Josh Groban since he seems to have the broadest fan base of the nominees.
Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance I loved Eddie Vedder's solo album, so I'm hoping he walks away with it. There's tough competition in this one though Bruce Springsteen, McCartney, Mayer and Neil Young.
Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals I would fall out of my chair if Kings of Leon won. It was my pick for best album last year. I'm guessing Coldplay is gonna win though.
Best Hard Rock Performance Based on instrumentation, I'd love to see The Mars Volta win here.
Best Metal Performance I'd love to see Ministry win for their Rolling Stones cover, but I'm guessing it's gonna be Slipknot.
Best Rock Instrumental Performance Tough competition again. David Gilmour would be great. Or, I'd go with Nine Inch Nails. Zappa Plays Zappa is fantastic, but really a cover band.
Best Rock Song Springsteen's a great songwriter, but I'm hoping Radiohead gets it for "House of Cards."
Best Rock Album The Raconteurs album is great. I'm kinda guessing that Kid Rock will get this one, even though I'd like to see Kings of Leon get it.
Best Alternative Music Album Sure, give this one to Radiohead.
Best Female R&B Vocal Performance While I'd love for Alicia Keys to win, I'm guessing Beyonce is going to win... and then Etta James is gonna whip her ass.
Best Male R&B Vocal Performance I've been seeing Ne-Yo's name pop up a lot in nominee lists. I'll go with him.
Best R&B Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals Al Green with John Legend or Raphael Saadiq with Stevie Wonder...tough choice! I'll go with Green/Legend.
Best Traditional R&B Vocal Performance Wayne Brady? Seriously?!? I'm going with Raphael Saadiq.
Best Urban/Alternative Performance Wow... I'm outta the loop on this one. Kenna? Maiysha? Janelle Monae? Wayna? I'm going with Chrisette Michele featuring will.i.am.
Best R&B Song I'll go with Ne-Yo.
Best R&B Album Raphael Saadiq's album is fantastic. I'm sorry, but if Jennifer Hudson wins, it's based on tragedy and not merit.
Best Contemporary R&B Album I'll go with Ne-Yo again, if he can beat out Mary J. Blige.
Best Rap Solo Performance He's all over the place, so it's hard to see anyone but Lil Wayne winning.
Best Rap Performance By A Duo Or Group I think they're going to perform it at the awards, so I'm going with Jay-Z featuring Kanye West and Lil Wayne. If not, I'd give it to T.I. so he can get an award before he goes in the slammer.
Best Rap/Sung Collaboration Best song would be John Legend and Andre 3000 doing "Green Light," but I'm guessing that annoying Estelle song or Flo Rida is gonna win it.
Best Rap Song Flo Rida's "Low" was all over the place...
Best Rap Album Hard to picture anyone but Lil Wayne winning this one...
I'm not even close to halfway through...
Best Female Country Vocal Performance Carrie Underwood... because she's the cutest?
Best Male Country Vocal Performance Hmmm.... Brad Paisley.
Best Country Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals Doesn't Brooks & Dunn win everything? I'll go with Sugarland.
Best Country Collaboration With Vocals Alison Krauss and Robert Plant shouldn't be in the category. I'm going with Sugarland with Jake Owen and Little Big Town.
Best Country Instrumental Performance I'll go with "Cluster Pluck" because it has the funniest name.
Best Country Song Sugarland again. Can you tell they're about the only current country group I can listen to?
Best Country Album No idea... George Strait.
Best Bluegrass Album I need to do rock, paper, scissors on some of these.... Earl Scruggs with Family and Friends.
Best New Age Album Hmmm... it's not gonna get any easier. William Ackerman is first on the list...
Best Contemporary Jazz Album A roll of the dice says... Cannon Re-Loaded.
Best Jazz Vocal Album Cassandra Wilson... because Blue Note is the same label is Norah Jones. There are actually two Blue Note artists in this category, but I had to pick one.
Best Jazz Instrumental Solo I'm reading a book about Miles Davis right now, so I'm going with one of his former bandmates Gary Burton and Chick Corea.
Best Jazz Instrumental Album, Individual or Group I'll go with Chick Corea and Gary Burton, again, for the same reason as above.
Best Large Jazz Ensemble Album You gotta love the "hip" spelling of Gordon Goodwin's Big Phat Band.
Best Latin Jazz Album Sometimes you just have to go with the names you like Papo Vázquez The Mighty Pirates.
Best Gospel Performance Ummm.... Cece Winans. Why not?
Best Gospel Song MercyMe has the most gospel-sounding name...
Best Rock Or Rap Gospel Album Rap Gospel? Rock Gospel? ... Huh? I've heard of TobyMac.
Best Pop/Contemporary Gospel Album Thanks to those late-night music commercials, the name Steven Curtis Chapman sounds familiar.
Best Southern, Country, Or Bluegrass Gospel Album Charlie Louvin... 'cause I'm hoping it's pronounced "lovin'."
We're at the halfway point. Get your snacks, refills and bathroom breaks in now.
Best Traditional Gospel Album The Blind Boys of Alabama are the only ones I've heard of.
Best Contemporary R&B Gospel Album "Mary Mary, why ya buggin'? Mary Mary, I need ya huggin'." I'm sure that has nothing to do with the group, but I'm going with Mary Mary.
Best Latin Pop Album Who doesn't love a good oxymoron? I'll go with words of silence - "Palabras Del Silencio" by Luis Fonsi.
Best Latin Rock Or Alternative Album I actually heard the Grupo Fantasma album and enjoyed it.
Best Latin Urban Album Since picking random winners is getting awkward, I'm going with Akwid.
Best Tropical Latin Album I didn't even know that José Feliciano was still alive... I'll give it to him.
Best Regional Mexican Album Mariachi Divas. Who doesn't love a good mariachi band? And these are divas!
Best Tejano Album Well, Selena isn't in the category, so I'll have to go with the one that sounds the most fun Tortilla Factory.
Best Norteño Album I don't know what Norteño is... but I'd say that tigers can kill horses, so I'm going with Los Tigres Del Norte over Los Palominos.
Best Banda Album The best "banda" has to be the one with "banda" in their name, right? Banda El Recodo de Cruz Lizárraga
Best Traditional Blues Album B.B. King put out a strong new album.
Best Contemporary Blues Album If it's based around New Orleans, you'd have to call it a favorite. Dr. John and the Lower 911's City That Care Forgot.
Best Traditional Folk Album The two Seegers cancel each other out. I'm going with Kathy Mattea.
Best Contemporary Folk/Americana Album Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, no questions asked.
Now, I'm just getting warmed up!
Best Native American Music Album With an album title like Spo'Mo'Kin'Nan, I'm going with Black Lodge.
Best Hawaiian Music Album Nobody has aloha in the title... Daniel Ho has two albums on the list... Tia Carrere is an actress... I'll go with Daniel Ho's involvement on The Spirit Of Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar.
Best Zydeco Or Cajun Music Album BeauSoleil is sure to get some feet moving...
Best Reggae Album While my 3-year-old nephew does a fine version of "Buffalo Soldier," he's not nominated. I'll go with Lee "Scratch" Perry.
Best Traditional World Music Album They played here not too long ago, so I'm going with Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
Best Contemporary World Music Album In honor of The Dead's reunion, I'm going with Mickey Hart, Zakir Hussain, Sikiru Adepoju and Giovanni Hidalgo's Global Drum Project.
Best Polka Album I love that the Polka Family Band has titled its album Hungry for More.
Best Musical Album For Children You have to go with They Might Be Giants.
Best Spoken Word Album For Children I'd love to vote for Henry Rollins, but he's not in here. Gwyneth Paltrow and Tony Shaloub are.... But I'll go with Buck Howdy. That's just too good of a name to pass up.
Best Spoken Word Album (Includes Poetry, Audio Books & Story Telling) All celebrities... I'll go with Stephen Colbert.
Best Comedy Album Give to George Carlin for posthumous sake.
Best Musical Show Album These are all old shows... I'm going with Mel Brooks and Young Frankenstein.
Best Compilation Soundtrack Album For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media Juno had some quirky songs in it...
Best Score Soundtrack Album For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media Gotta go with The Dark Knight.
Best Song Written For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media Give it to Peter Gabriel as long as he agrees to a Genesis reunion tour.
Best Instrumental Composition I'll go with Chick Corea again.
Best Instrumental Arrangement If Gabriel turns down the first offer, give him this award, too.
Best Instrumental Arrangement Accompanying Vocalist(s) "Lazy Afternoon" sounds like a good idea.
This HAS to be winding down, right?
Best Recording Package I'd go with Metallica's Death Magnetic.
Best Boxed Or Special Limited Edition Package Radiohead had the idea first... sorry, Nine Inch Nails.
Best Album Notes Again, since I'm reading the book - Kind of Blue: 50th Anniversary Collector's Edition by Miles Davis.
Best Historical Album I want to just pick the oldest one... Debate '08: Taft And Bryan Campaign On The Edison Phonograph
Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical The Raconteurs... why not?
Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical Danger Mouse was all over the place last year...but Rick Rubin got Metallica sounding like their old selves, Neil Diamond his first number-one album... Rubin takes it.
Best Remixed Recording, Non-Classical Junkie XL for his remix of Madonna....I guess....?
Not many more to go! Is anyone still reading this?
Best Surround Sound Album They have the category right in the title! Ringo 5.1 The Surround Sound Collection
Best Engineered Album, Classical Random guess is: Puccini: La Bohème.
Producer Of The Year, Classical He had four albums, everyone else had five David Frost.
Best Classical Album Simplest title wins it Maria.
This isn't like dog racing, where you can just look and see which one goes to crap before the race and pick that one.
Best Orchestral Performance They all have numbers in the title, so I'm picking the highest number Prokofiev: Scythian Suite, Op. 20.
Best Opera Recording I'll go back to the shortest title Lully: Psyché.
Best Choral Performance Again, category in the title wins. Rheinberger: Sacred Choral Works.
Not too many left...
Best Instrumental Soloist(s) Performance (with Orchestra) Violins? Pianos? Meh! What the hell is a pipa?!? Harrison: Pipa Concerto.
Best Instrumental Soloist Performance (without Orchestra) I like the sound of Strange Toys.
Best Chamber Music Performance Kind of sounds like an oxymoron here too.... Best, chamber music? I'm going with the title that seems out of place. Right Through The Bone.
Best Small Ensemble Performance I'm going with the one I can't pronounce. Im Wunderschoenen Monat Mai.
Best Classical Vocal Performance Wouldn't it be great for something about Dylan to win best vocal performance? Corigliano: Mr. Tambourine Man: Seven Poems Of Bob Dylan
Best Classical Contemporary Composition And I'll pick it again. Mr. Tambourine Man: Seven Poems Of Bob Dylan.
Best Classical Crossover Album Kickin' it... Olde School.
Best Short Form Music Video I'm just happy bands are still making videos. I'll go with Weezer's "Pork and Beans."
Best Long Form Music Video He's a great photographer, so I'll go with Danny Clich's Where The Light Is Live In Los Angeles.