Mental bikinis



Last night, I went out for the purpose of going to a benefit at the Wachovia Atrium for the Mental Health Association, and somehow ended up judging Whisky River’s Boots & Bikini contest… I swear I am not a mental health patient.

Although my friends may beg to differ.

They said I should’ve taken the short bus to the Atrium... so, I stood up for my shortness – “5’2” baby!” They just shook their head and said I reiterated their point.

The MHA’s “Lifting Spirits” party wasn’t insane... But it was some fundraising fun.


Despite the fact it was a charity for the Mental Health Association, everyone there was totally normal… and pretty good looking might I add.

The band Liquid Pleasure, which was comprised of older gentlemen that can play the hell out of some instruments, were singing rap songs by DMX and Nelly… and it sounded good. The party had food from Bear Rock Café, The Dinner A’Fare, Mac’s and wings from Picassos. Turns out, wings are hard to eat at a function like that when you’re one handed, sans table, and in a dress.

One of the freelance bartenders on hand serving up the silly serum plays for the Carolina Queens – a professional, full tackle women’s football team. Charlotte’s team is one of 42 in the national league. And I am proud to announce that I was unofficially recruited as the back-up quarterback.

“Do you have a good Offensive Line?” I asked…she said they did, but she also said she broke her neck in one of the games. Yikes.

On my walk home, I passed the EpiCentre and I saw my buddy Drew Carter. Drew used to play for the Panthers, but is now with the Oakland Raiders…and he came all the way back to Charlotte to judge Whisky River’s Boots & Bikini contest. Ok, I made that up, but he is back in town until he has to go to training camp.


Oh, but we did end up judging Whisky River’s College Night bikini contest, along with NASCAR driver Brandon Suggs and emcee, Chad Rock from 95.1. We had to judge on Boots/Suits, Charisma/Style and Sexiness/Body. There was a plethora of bikini and boot clad babes, but it’s hard to judge a bikini contest based on personality. Meanwhile, Drew was concentrating on his score sheet so hard it looked like he was doing Geometry or something.


Some dude tried to use this as a pick-up line, “Why were you just a judge, why didn’t you enter the contest?” Because I have self-esteem, that’s why, and my dignity is worth a lot more than a $500 cash prize.

I think there may have been some confusion between the Lifting Spirits party and College Night at Whisky River because a couple (or two people that just met, I don’t know) were hardcore making out against the wall at the Atrium as if the party was so crowded no one could see them. So, I dared someone to go up behind them and start serenading them with “I wanna make love in tha club…. In tha club!”

But I did get some great tips from the Mental Health Association party, for which I feel inclined to share with you all.

10 Simple Mental Wellness Tips:

• Get Plenty of Rest: 7-8 hours per day is best

• Get Regular Exercise: just 30 minutes per day

• Eat Something New: variety is the spice of life

• Exercise Your Mind: read a book or solve a puzzle

• Talk with Family and Friends Daily: get connected

• Do Something you Enjoy: have fun

• Stay in Once in a While: pamper yourself

• Make the Most of Leisure Time: relax

• Get Involved in your Community: volunteer

• Take Things One at a Time: slow down

All that’s great, but it doesn’t say anything on there about avoiding dating totally inappropriate men… perhaps they should add that one.