Decisions made at city council Monday night about security measures during the Democratic convention are not much different from those made four years ago in Denver, when that city hosted the DNC. After police in Denver scared everyone by saying that 90 zillion crazies would soon endanger the city, law enforcement officers were essentially given carte blanche to do whatever they wanted — and woe to the traitor who doesn’t think protecting political delegates from a few anarchists is worth ignoring the U.S. Constitution.
At least negotiators in Charlotte were able to get the city to discontinue the “special measures” immediately after the convention, but uptown Charlotte will still be a semi-police state during one of the major political functions of the Land of the Free. That’s not a good idea when you’re dealing with a police force that has racked up numerous instances of recklessness, including over-tasering and running people down in high-speed chases.
Background: There were reports in Denver in 2008 that some protesters had made “shit bombs” out of their feces and balloons, while others created “piss bombs” in a similar fashion. It was all sketchy and pretty obviously exaggerated — but at least Denver police had a grip on just how much crap a human can store in his or her body. You see, Charlotte’s Deputy Chief Medlock told council last night that they should pass a new ordinance prohibiting people from carrying backpacks because, he told them, in 2008, “some protesters would enter portable toilets and fill backpacks with feces, which were thrown at police.”
Now, wait a minute. Think of the size of a normal backpack. Now think of the biggest dump you’ve ever taken. Would it fill a backpack? Damn, I hope not, for your and your family’s sake. Oh, you say, perhaps Medlock meant that protesters would scoop up feces from the porta-potty and schlep it into their backpacks? Hmm. Maybe I’ve used the wrong kinds of Port-a-Jons, but I don’t remember, er, that stuff hanging around afterward, ready for future scooping.
So, back to our fabled protester with a mammoth intestinal system. We haven’t checked with any doctors on this, but we don’t think we really need to before stating uequivocally that Dep. Chief Medlock's story sounds like a big crock of... well, you know.