GOP presidential pledges we'd like to see

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Republican presidential candidates have been getting into hot water by signing nearly every pledge waved in front of them by extreme right-wing groups. Michele Bachmann and Frothy Santorum had to backtrack when the press pointed out that they had signed an anti-gay marriage pledge from the First Leader group in Iowa that, among other things, made the unbelievable declaration that African-American families were better off under slavery than they are today. As the Associated Press notes, there’s also “ a three-pronged ‘cut, cap and balance’ declaration on the national debt, a four-point ‘pro-life leadership presidential pledge’ and a deficit-reduction promise tied to the ‘Lean Six Sigma’ method of reducing government spending," among the pledges being bandied about.  Some candidates, notably Jon “Who?” Huntsman, have refused to sign any pledges, while GOP strategist Rich Galen says, "I don't know why anybody puts up with it."

As long as some Republican candidates are still signing pledges, however, we have some suggestions. Here are some pledges we’d like to see the GOP presidential contenders sign, for the good of their party and the country.

I pledge to use public transportation often enough to avoid becoming totally clueless about the real “regular Americans” I love to talk about.

I pledge that if I vote to cut veterans’ benefits, I will at least work just as hard to avoid sending young Americans to needless wars.

I pledge to condemn any supporter who makes racist statements.

I pledge to admit when I get my talking points dictated to me by a Koch Brothers political group.

I pledge to not forget that much of the current national debt was created by the Bush administration’s Iraq, Medicare, taxation and lax regulatory policies.

I pledge to defend Americans’ freedom of religion, including religions I may not really understand.

I pledge to not let my party be taken over by rednecks, Birthers, supply-side economists, and frightened voters who want to turn back the clock to the Leave It To Beaver era.

I pledge to learn more about the catastrophic repercussions of letting the U.S. to default on its debt. In other words, I pledge to learn more about how the real world actually works before spouting off whatever the Tea Partiers suggest.

I pledge to admit that I have at least one gay person on my staff.

I pledge to trade places with a homeless person one day per month.

Rep. Michele Bachmann: I signed what?!
  • Rep. Michele Bachmann: I signed what?!

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