Coaching the county commissioners: the bad dream team

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Jennifer Roberts has a good sense of humor, if her latest scheme is any indication. As Commission chair, Roberts needs for members of the Commission to get along — at least well enough that meetings don’t turn into the kind of weird and snotty hate-fests we’ve seen lately. There are, after all, a few problems these fine professionals need to address, beyond their dislike for each other. Roberts has taken an innovative, and potentially hilarious, approach: She is threatening to put her unruly collection of dueling egos through “team building” exercises. As someone who has suffered through such corporate foolishness, I can tell you that I would agree to nearly anything — a cut in pay, a lead pipe to the shins, renting out a room to Glenn Beck, you name it — rather than engage in such quasi-new-agey nonsense again. Please, just don’t make me catch somebody that I can’t stand as he is falling backward. Or run in a three-legged race with the person who does her best to make my job a living hell. Or have to come up with a serviceable lie just so I can tell the moron down the hall that he’s basically a good guy.  If the County Commissioners know what “team building” is usually like, it's a cinch that they’ll promise to behave and stay as calm as lambs at future meetings.

Honestly — team building? With this current County Commission crew? Please. I can just imagine Vilma Leake’s head exploding as she tries to think of one good thing to say about Bill James. I can see James yelling “Oops!” as he accidentally lets George Dunlap fall backward and bang his head on the floor. And I can’t wait to hear all about Jim Pendergraph whacking County Manager Harry Jones with a nerf bat, and screaming, “No more bonuses for you, Cap’n!” Seriously, I can’t wait to hear about that last one.

One of the main problems with “team building,” other than it being a silly pain in the butt for those involved, is that sometimes, no matter what you do, the various “parts” of a team won’t fit together. Plus, for a team to be built, don’t you need to work with parts that are actually worth building into a team? The verdict is out on whether the current batch of commissioners could ever fit that bill.

Bill and Vilma go at it after he called her son "a homo." Imagine these two in team building exercises.
  • Bill and Vilma go at it after he called her son "a homo." Imagine these two in team building exercises.

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