by John Grooms
[First, for the clueless trollers out there who never seem to get these things, this blog post is satire. Happy now?]
Rumors swirled around the world last week that Libyan dictator Moammar Gaddafi had been shot. Those rumors proved to be false, but were starting a new rumor about Col. Gaddawful here and now. After examining relevant evidence, we believe it very likely that Gaddafi left Libya just as citizen protests there began, and he has traded places with another tinhorn jackass, Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin. It makes sense when you think about the similarities between Walker and Gaddafi. Both are first-class liars; neither cares what the majority wants; both look weird in similar ways; are authoritarian goofballs; and are openly clueless about history.
LYING LIKE A RUG Walker repeatedly lies through his teeth, claiming that his proposal to strip Wisconsins public employees of their collective bargaining rights is all about cutting the budget, and not a union-busting measure. He also claims that the union is inflexible, although they have agreed to his demands for pay cuts. Gaddafi has been a liars liar for decades, first claiming he would form a democratic government in Libya, then denying any knowledge of the 1988 Lockerbie terrorist airline explosion that killed 270 people; and finally, claiming that he is still in full control of his nation.
MAJORITY THIS! Gaddafi has refused to step down despite every indication that the vast majority of Libyans want him gone. Walker keeps saying the public is on his side, although national polls show that 61% of Americans support public employee union members bargaining rights.
WEIRD LOOKING Walker and Gaddafi both have nearly blank, vacant eyes, and serious five oclock shadow issues. Coincidence? We doubt it!
AUTHORITARIAN JERKS Walker refuses to budge on public employee unions bargaining rights, and sent state troopers to Democratic legislators home to force them to come to the Capitol building in Madison, Wis., although there is no law against legislators skipping out on votes to avoid radical changes. Gaddafi refuses to step down, and sent armed soldiers and mercenaries to shoot protesters. OK, Gaddafi's got a leg up on Walker for cruelty, but not on the authoritarian thing.
HISTORICALLY STUPID Walker says hes following in the footsteps of Ronald Reagan, whose firing of striking air traffic controllers, says Walker, was the first crack in the Berlin Wall. First, Wisconsin pubic workers are not on strike and have, in fact, offered concessions that Walker refuses to consider. And, needless to say, firing air traffic controllers in the U.S. didnt have a hell of a lot to do with the fall of communism halfway around the world. Gadaffi, for his part, claims to be the King of Kings, when everybody knows that was the title of a Jesus movie; plus, he says the revolt in Libya is the result of al-Qaeda giving hallucinogenics to young people, when everyone knows A. that's crazy as shit, and B. al-Qaeda condemns drug use.
So there you have it: incontrovertible proof that we are starting a rumor that Scott Walker is actually Moammar Gaddafi. Let the fearful trembling begin ...