Breaking News: Not everyone lives in Chicago

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True, but not breaking news. (Thanks to foxtongue for the photo.)
  • True, but not breaking news. (Thanks to foxtongue for the photo.)

Hey people in charge of the "Breaking News"alerts: Stop it. Stop forcing us into this constant state of "breaking news" because your news cycle never ends.

Celebrity news is NOT breaking news, unless they die in a fiery plane crash or something. And, I don't need four alerts about some other city's mayoral race. Beyond that, I don't give a fuck about Rahm Emanuel's political career ... no matter how hard you try to make me. Neither do I give a fuck what Paris Hilton, Lindsay whats-her-face or any of the other coke-addled Hollywood party set are up to.

Reserve the "Breaking News" alerts for actual breaking news. I mean it. Otherwise people will start ignoring you. CNN's breaking news alerts are already getting stuck in my spam filter, and they can stay there.

Giant meteor zooming toward earth? Yes, please alert us. Paris Hilton going to jail, a former White House staff member winning an election? Don't fucking dare. If I want that news — which I don't — I'll seek it out, thanks.

Rhiannon Fionn-Bowman is an independent journalist who contributes commentary on Creative Loafing's CLog blog four days a week in addition to writing for several other local media organizations. To learn more, click the links or follow Rhi on Twitter.

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