Michele Bachmann to spew her 'Firehose of Crazy' in Rock Hill

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Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), who opened last week’s Conservative Political Action Conference with a rousing speech filled with big words like “socialism,” is bringing her Firehose of Crazy to Rock Hill. Bachmann is thinking of running for president in 2012, so this week she’ll swing through South Carolina, one of the early presidential primary states. On Friday, Bachmann will headline a York County barbecue dinner in Rock Hill, hoping to connect to the conservative grassroots group that helped Rep. Mick Mulvaney take a congressional seat from 14-term Democrat John Spratt. Bachmann will also speak Saturday in Columbia and Spartanburg as part of her S.C. excursion.

Not everyone is excited about Bachmann’s S.C. trip, including Richards McCrae, head of the York County Democratic Party, who told the Observer, “Folks can pay $20 to see Michele Bachmann or $12 to see the loggerhead turtles at the Riverbanks Zoo. In terms of substance, they'll get to experience just about the same thing." Wow, loggerhead turtles! Who knew Mitch McConell had family in South Carolina?

Personally, this writer, like many others, can’t quite figure out if Bachmann is stupid, ignorant, or half-nuts. Or, more likely, a combination of all of the above. In any case, as a public service, here’s a selection of actual quotes from Bachmann, which we hope will serve as a nice preview of the kind of coherence and clear thinking awaiting those who trek to Rock Hill to see the potential presidential candidate.

“This is not symbolic, this is why we were sent here and we will not stop until we repeal a president and put a president in the position of the White House who will repeal this bill, until we repeal the current Senate, put in a Senate that will listen to the American people and repeal this bill.”

“During the last 100 days we have seen an orgy. It would make any local smorgasbord embarrassed … The government spent its wad by April 26.”

''I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?''

''Does that mean that someone's 13-year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus? That night, mom and dad are never the wiser.''

''Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.''

“But we also know that the [Founding Fathers] that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.”

“Unelected bureaucracies will decide what we can and can’t get in future health insurance policy. That’s why they’re called death panels.”

''Michael Steele! You be da man! You be da man!''

''Normalization (of gayness) through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders, is take a picture of 'The Lion King' for instance, and a teacher might say, 'Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?' The message is: I'm better at what I do, because I'm gay.''

“The immediate consequence, if gay marriage goes through, is that K-12 little children will be forced to learn that homosexuality is normal, natural and perhaps they should try it.''

''I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence.'' [The swine flu epidemic of 1976 took place during Republican Gerald Ford’s administration, and, in any case, is irrelevant.]

“The big thing we are working on now is the global warming hoax. It’s all voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax.”

“I just take the Bible for what it is, I guess, and recognize that I am not a scientist, not trained to be a scientist. I'm not a deep thinker on all of this. I wish I was. I wish I was more knowledgeable, but I'm not a scientist.”

Michele Bachmann (right) and fellow incoherent Dubya worshipper Rep. Virginia Foxx, touch the garment of their Annointed One
  • Michele Bachmann (right) and fellow incoherent Dubya worshipper Rep. Virginia Foxx, touch the garment of their Annointed One