Alvin Greene action figures win!

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Friday is time for the Stupid Thing of the Week Award, but we got to thinking: There are different kinds of stupid. Some things are stupid and dangerous — namely, some of the Tea Party candidates for various national offices, like the Alabama guy whose commercials as much as incite people to violently overthrow the government. Or Sharron Angle, running for Harry Reid’s Senate seat, who thinks women who are raped shouldn’t be able to get an abortion because they’d be working against “God’s plan.” Those people are stupid and dangerous.

Then, there’s stupid and kind of goofy, which is waaayyy preferable to the dangerously stupid stuff. That’s why we’re giving the weekly award to South Carolina’s Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Alvin Greene, who this week came up with a, um, unique idea for creating jobs in his state: action figures of himself. Greene expanded on the idea in an interview with a British journalist from the UK Guardian: “Me in an army uniform, air force uniform, and me in my suit. They can make toys of me and my vehicle, especially for the holidays and Christmas for the kids. That's something that would create jobs,” Greene explained. He didn’t need to say it, but Greene then added, “It's not something a typical person would bring up.” Which, you have to admit, is very true.

I think Greene’s action figure idea would work. In fact, I think South Carolina’s economy could soon start rocking again if he’d take the “action” in “action figure” seriously and, say, pit himself against some of his state’s other embarrassments. Picture an Alvin “Terminator” Greene doll, firing away at a Mark Sanford figure ("with special hiking action”); Marko the Latin Lover wouldn’t stand a chance. Or maybe an Alvin “Scissorhands” Greene, slicing up a figure of state lawmaker Jake “We don’t need another rag head” Knotts like so much bacon. Or, for the less violently inclined, Alvin “Close Shave” Greene, pinning his November opponent, Sen. Jim DeMint, into a barber’s chair and forcefully rinsing the bad dye job out of the senator’s hair. The possibilities are endless, as apparently are the “out of the box” ideas in Greene’s head. Greene is a very unconventional candidate, and yes, his action figure idea is stupid. But at least it’s only stupid, not stupid and dangerous.

Image courtesy Salon.com
  • Image courtesy Salon.com

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