Top 10 CMS-TV moments

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They don’t want their CMS-TV! It went almost unnoticed, but when the school board adopted a new, penny-pinching budget yesterday, it wasn’t just about cuts, time changes, layoffs and bus schedule finagling. The board also decided to get rid of the oft-maligned CMS-TV, AKA Channel 3. The cancellation of CMS-TV’S all-star lineup of shows will save approximately $350,000 while saving around seven teacher jobs. In the past, we’ve suggested cutting CMS-TV for that very purpose, so we’re pleased with the board’s decision. However, just because we once wrote that CMS-TV was “monotonous enough to kill somebody,” and “as exciting as buying socks,” that doesn’t mean they didn’t liven up the airways with creative programming now and then. As a tribute to the station’s longevity, if nothing else, here are our picks for CMS-TV’s Top Ten Moments.

10. Former school board member Larry Gauvreau stormed out of a board meeting after fellow member Vilma Leake began chanting in his direction, “U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi, you’re ugly, yes ugly.”

9. The annual Magnet School Ultimate Fighting Tournament.

8. Supt. Peter Gorman, during one of his seemingly endless string of interviews with Moira Quinn, explained how he shaves with a new titanium, 10-bladed razor and uses talcum powder afterward, but "I still can’t get rid of this damned five o’clock shadow.”

7. The time the channel inadvertently aired surveillance footage of former board members George Dunlap and Larry Gauvreau, duking it 0ut in the Education Center parking lot.

6. One evening, board member Coach Joe White started talking in his sleep during budget discussions, referring to then-chairperson Molly Griffin as “Good Golly Miss Molly” and “Red-hot Mama.”

5. CMS' big, one-time-only public auction of handguns and other weaponry confiscated from students.

4. Board member Kaye McGarry illustrated gay students’ poisonous influence on school discipline, using 100 Hummel figurines of angels and two little plastic representations of Satan.

3. Board members shared their favorite banana bread recipes.

2. Gorman, in yet another interview, revealed that he had a very bad head cold, “and, actually, Moira, you sweet thing, I couldn’t tell you where in the hell I am.”

1. The night that Quinn, thinking her Gorman interview hadn’t started yet, stood up, turned toward Gorman, and asked, “Does this skirt make my butt look big?” to which the superintendent replied, “No bigger than usual,” after which Gorman was bitch-slapped to within an inch of his life.

"Hey Dad, look what I got for 20 bucks at the CMS auction!"
  • "Hey Dad, look what I got for 20 bucks at the CMS auction!"

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