Ooh boy, Brooklyn Decker is this year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue cover model! It’s just so great that Charlotte has such wonderful news to celebrate. I mean, things have been so depressing around here lately, what with all those bankers turning into pirates, and so many people losing their homes. We needed some good news. Plus, it’s so good to know that if she tries hard enough, a local girl can grow up to become a role model for all future vapid sex symbols. Yep, it’s about time we had such a fantastic event happen around here, especially since the schools were re-segregated, and businesses went belly-up, and you see more and more homeless people around town.

No doubt about it, Brooklyn Decker being chosen for the momentous position of SI swimsuit cover model is like a breath of fresh air. Especially if you, like other proud Charlotteans, see young women as so much raw meat, destined to be stripped and paraded around for the enjoyment of wanking frat boys and their grown counterparts. Yeah, it’s uplifting to know that our area is home to people who thought it’d be a great idea for their daughter to start modeling underwear at age 18. Let’s celebrate, Charlotte — it may  not be a lot in the long run, but today we’re able to grab on to a bit of fame. No matter how lame

• Rare photo of Brooklyn wearing actual clothes

the reason.