The United Way of Central Carolinas soon may be looking for a new name, according to Board Chair Carlos Evans. Some board members think a name change for the agency could be a good way to regain public trust after the CEO Gloria Pace King salary/board-members-asleep-at-the-wheel scandal.
According to reliable sources, the agency conducted a survey in which Charlotteans were asked their first reaction to the words the United Way. Results: Retching sounds 38 percent; Buncha damned crooks 22 percent; I want my money back 20 percent; I thought I was on a no-call list 12 percent; A great cause 5 percent; and Speak up, the neighbors yappy dog is barking again 3 percent.
You can see why some in the agency think a new name is needed. Were here to help, so here are our top five suggestions for a new United Way moniker. Enjoy!
5. The S.S. Titanic
4. Annual Corporate Bigshots Bragging Rights Death Match
3. All for One!
2. Pimp My Charity
1. Sorry! (as spoken by Gilly, a Kristen Wiig character on SNL)
OK, United Wayers, hope this helps. By the way, heres how you should say Sorry . . .