Georgia is my bitch



by Vladmir Putin

A lot has been made about me calling the shots instead of the man who is actually Russia's president.

Well the truth is Medvedev just found out about the war a short while ago. I didn't want to interrupt his finger painting session. He had traced his hand with paint and was trying to tell me it was some sort of turkey. I wasn't buying it. I ripped up his painting, informed him about the war, and then he started crying.

He was scared, but I calmed him down by promising him a vanilla shake. He did manage to make a good speech to the media on the crisis in Georgia. I am glad he is improving on his speech making capabilities. I just wish there was some way to cover up his drooling problem.

Now the U.S. has demanded that we withdraw our troops from Georgia. Yes! We will do that immediately! As soon as possible. Today, in fact. Wait a second. I can't withdraw today because I am scheduled to make an appearance at an seminar entitled: "Androids: Are They Living Among Us?" I am a guest speaker.

How about next week on Monday? I will have all my troops out of Georgia by then. Wait a second ... Sorry. Again, I'll have to reschedule. I have a photo shoot for Russian Nipple, the top Russian periodical dedicated solely to photo spreads of the most powerful nipples in our country.

Maybe I can have my troops out by next year sometime.

Actually, now that I think about it, I don't really believe it is wise to set arbitrary time tables on troop withdrawals. If we do that, then the Georgians have won. However, should the names of all androids within Russia and neighboring countries be revealed to me, the terms of the peace treaty may go much smoother!

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