By Samuel L. Jackson

I ain’t bullshitting now--this shit’s got to stop. Somebody’s got to take Hillary out behind the Capitol Building and put this bitch out of our misery. She’s clearly got some serious got-damn mental defects that don’t let her see reality.

Fuck it. I'm gonna try reasoning directly with the bitch.

Hillary. Listen. I admit I can’t fucking stand you. It’s true that whenever I hear your got-damn Margaret Hamilton cackle, I want to slap the shit out of your parents for unleashing such a soulless, whiny, selfish bitch-cunt upon the world. But I ain’t without sympathy for you, and I know it’s a hard motherfucking thing to watch as the Clinton legacy gets flushed down the toilet. But baby, if you and Bill hadn’t taken all those shits in the toilet, there’d be no reason to pull the fucking handle.

It’s time, though. It’s time to pull that handle down. As big a shit as you two took, you might even have to flush three or four times.

You gave a courtesy flush early yesterday, when one of your minions promised that you’d resign by June 15th, but then you let out a shit-stained fart later in the day by saying that you were in this race for the long got-damn haul, and the stench of your endless got-damn campaign came back with a motherfucking vengeance.

Baby, you got to let that shit go. You’re killing me. You’re killing America. If you don’t flush that shit now, baby, the toilet’s gonna blow up and we all gonna be standing knee-deep in Clintonian offal. You don’t want that, do you, Hil? So I’m asking. I’m pleading. I’m being as nice and as respectful a motherfucker as I know how to be when I say: Swallow your got-damn pride, wipe your dirty fucking ass, flush the motherfucking toilet, and come the fuck out of the bathroom so somebody else can use it. It’s time to see if my man Obam’s shit really does stink, without you tainting up the air.

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