By Pope Benedict XVI

Very excited to have King Abdullah, ruler of Saudi Arabia in the house. Of course, this visit gives me a chance to cozy up with the Arabs I alienated last year, but my goal is more. It's an outside chance, but if, somewhere in between biscuits and tea and the Vatican tour, I could manage convert this guy, it would be the biggest get for Christianity since Constantine!

It doesn't seem like too much of a stretch. We both like robes. We both like funny hats. Our symbol is a guy being nailed to a cross, theirs is a guy blowing himself up. Big traditions of royal exploitation of religion for political gain. Neither group's too crazy about the Jews. It seems like a good fit.

My selling points: You can drink wine. Instead of five times a day, you pray once a week. Did I mention the drinking? Thank you, Jesus, for that water into wine miracle! Probably seemed pretty gratuitous at the time, but what foresight!

I've even come up with a format of worship more palatable to the Arab mindset: I call it Wahatholicism! I just have to slip this guy a pamphlet, and I can change the political dynamic of the world!

News Groper features more than 50 parody blogs by politicians, celebrities, business tycoons, and foreign despots.