If you've followed my column since the beginning, it's no news to you that I'm not afraid of strip clubs when it comes to having a good time. At one point, I was heading to Cameo, formerly known as Daisy Dukes, after work every single day as if it was my after-school program. Like clockwork, I'd show up and order a tall Jägerbomb and some chicken wings before I could even think about heading home to call it a night.
Meanwhile, the dancers were like beautiful, interactive artwork. It's not that I didn't want to "throw some ones," I was (and still am) a broke millennial who can't imagine the consequences of getting drunk and throwing an entire paycheck at a stage filled with beautiful women. More power to those that can afford it. Nevertheless, a couple weeks ago, I ended up sitting at a table in front of beautiful dancers dressed in Panthers colors on a Sunday around 7 p.m.
The last time I'd walked into Uptown Cabaret on Morehead Street, I'd came for one reason and one reason only. You're probably thinking it was because I wanted to enjoy looking at a few beautiful women, but nope. When people say they're going to Uptown Cabaret for "tits and grits," Aerin was only going for the grits. Instead of waiting for an hour or so for late night breakfast at Midnight Diner, you can enjoy an amazing breakfast buffet with wonderful scenery at Uptown Cabaret.
There were a couple times where my P.I.C. and I stumbled into Uptown Cabaret, sat down at a table, not caring who we were sitting with or how many dancers were around. I'd look up and see her scarfing eggs and bacon, sometimes with her hands, without ever seeming to take a breath.
However, it has been years since we'd made one of those late-night trips, and that's why I couldn't believe it when I found myself actually heading to Uptown Cabaret on a recent Sunday, of all days, after so much time had passed. But there I was, hopping in an Uber trying to twerk as calmly as possible to Cardi B's verse in "No Limit." My girlfriend who joined in on the random festivities was the main proponent in the car backing me up in my ratchetness, cosigning every lyric. Little did our counterparts know, the same song would be on as soon as we walked inside.
To my dismay, there was no breakfast buffet to be had — this is still a thing, right?! Womp, womp, womp. It was only 7 p.m. though, I could still get food somewhere when this was over. On the bright side, we didn't have to pay anything to get in. The bar was calling us for a cocktail before we walked to a sitting area that could accommodate our entire party. For the first time, I was actually looking at my surroundings inside the club.
I wasn't shocked by the beautiful and voluptuous women or the amount of women dressed in Panthers' colors. What did shock me, however, was the fact that patrons were still trying to watch football while the dancers were taking turns on the pole! It's not enough to consume the fantasy that is a beautiful woman that "can't truly be had," now, it's okay to check in on your fantasy football league while said woman is right in front of our face. I couldn't decide if I was amused in a positive or negative way but I decided to just revel in a moment that had me feeling nostalgic for my past life.
I glanced over at my squeeze wondering what he was thinking. I wasn't worried about him being too into the scene, unlike people I'd dated before, I was more interested in seeing how we'd interact. And to my surprise, I felt completely comfortable with us both having a really good time.
And my girlfriend? She was quiet, but she, too, seemed content with our adventure. One of the squeeze's friends was anticipating the right moment to turn up and throw some ones. And another was enthralled with the other girl in our group who was living her best life, who after gaining a second wind, was bouncing around all over the place and throwing ones of her own with a huge smile on her face — that's what I call a bucket of fun.
While I needed to unwind after so much excitement by switching up my venue, I was pleasantly surprised by how much fun I had at Uptown Cabaret on a game day. Put it on your to-do list now that the Panthers have secured their spot in the playoffs!