It’s finally Christmas time in the Queen City. Enough with pumpkin spice lattes and to hell with candy corn — literally. It’s finally time for vegging out in front of the TV watching back to back Christmas movies on ABC, going to ugly Christmas sweater parties and checking out light displays that will make you vom. I’m already dreading the end of the season!
Let’s be honest, my mom was still giving me gifts from “Santa” into my early 20s. Man, I hope that comes back this year — in the form of money to fix up my new condo. If Christmas has always been a huge part of your life and you’re as excited as I am at 25, you’re probably spending the majority of your time convincing friends and family members they should be excited to.
Avoid getting a visit from Krampus — the anti-St. Nick (see the movie, Google it or read about Noda’s Krampus Krawl that just happened this past weekend) — by getting in the spirit with me. After three Christmases in the Q.C., I still haven’t managed to find time for the following holiday attractions:
Speedway Christmas — For years, we lived a hop, skip and a jump away from Kyle Petty. And my family used to cheer on Jeff Gordon while watching NASCAR races after church on Sunday. But since I’ve moved to Charlotte, I haven’t managed to make it to the track for a race. Considering how long and loud the races can be, I would love for my first experience to be accompanied by over 3,000,0000 lights, a Christmas village and movies! Open through Wednesday December 30, you still have time to catch Frozen on the big screen!
Charlotte Center City Carriage Tours — You may have seen horse-drawn carriages Uptown and felt like they were out of place. Especially when you’re drunkenly careening past them in a pedicab early in the evening. But when I think about celebrating the holidays, I think about how great it would be to hitch an old-school ride through the city streets. Pre-game a date with a friend by getting a 20-minute ride for $25, admire the holiday deco, even play Christmas tunes on your phone while you ride.
The Hip Hop Nutcracker — Believe it or not, I have never seen a show in Charlotte! Call me uncultured, but there’s something stressful about watching a long “movie” that almost always has an intermission, no snacks or easy access to beer. But this year, I have to see a holiday classic remade. One of my amazingly talented friends used to be featured in Nutcracker every year. Needless to say, I’m not in a hurry to see it for a while. But the hip hop version? I might be able to twerk to that!
Holiday on Ice — I’m no artist when it comes to athletics, especially when it comes to the cold or ice. *Insert joke about black people not liking water in any form* But I am ecstatic about heading Uptown for ice skating. Grab some friends and head over towards the Nascar Hall of Fame, don some skates and ice skate—or fall—the night away. Grab a ticket for one at $15/piece or take a look at the $50 ultimate date night package and score some brownie points.
Well you have my holiday to-do list. Don’t delay, these Q.C. holiday favorites won’t be here long.
And now that that’s out of the way, check out my version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” If you’ve kept up with my ish, last year, in honor of the holiday season, I wrote “A holiday poem: ‘Twas the night before Saturday.” Keeping the spirit alive—or getting you in the spirit—I want to share yet another Q.C. twist on a Christmas classic that summarizes my experience this year in the city.
And yes, you should totally sing it out loud—but the long version, so start at the bottom.
On the twelfth day of Christmas
the QC gave to me:
12 Panther wins
Eleven thots a thotting
10 Lanes for bowling
Nine free Ubers
Eight freakin’ hangovers
Seven days of drinking
Six fave date spots
Five Hornets buzzing
Four lanes of traffic
Three craft beers
Two new jobs
and a man with a lot of money!
Two new jobs
and a man with a lot of money
Happy holidays, everyone!
