John and Jane Doe were happily married with kids. High school sweethearts, everyone just knew they were destined to be together forever. But one day John started noticing some “trouble downstairs,” so he decided to take a trip to the doctor. A couple days later, his doctor broke the news he had contracted an STD. With no indiscretions under his belt, it soon became clear that his wife had cheated.
Unless you’re living in a world of fantasy, chances are, you or someone you know has had their fair share of cheating drama. And being the ride-or-die loyal Taurus I am, I’ve played the role of detective for friends suspecting their significant others were cheating far too many times.
From using social media to track down someone at a bar crawl, to aiding and abetting a friend after they reprimanded their cheating lover — yes, I said aiding and abetting — there’s a “cheating” chapter in almost every autobiography.
To make things worse, three years in the Queen City has allowed me to become all too familiar with the saying, “It’s a small world.”
In the Q.C. dating scene, everyone knows everyone. You can’t hook up with anyone and have someone else not know them personally or at least heard of them in general. Not to mention, once you’ve broken into a circle, at least one person has dated more than one other person in that circle. Complicate that by dating someone actually from Charlotte, and you have a cheating nightmare.
Don’t end up like John: itchy, angry and homicidal. In most cases, there are plenty of warning signs you should pay attention to if you suspect your significant other is cheating. Here are a few.
(Keep in mind, the below signs don’t discriminate and no one is safe. Men cheat on men, men cheat on women, women cheat on women and women cheat on men. Point blank, people cheat on people.)
1. “Those aren’t mine!” One of my friends hopped into bed with her boyfriend. She had recently returned from a work trip and was excited about “reconnecting” with the boo. She felt something wrap around her toe under the covers, so she peeled back the sheet to take a look. A pair of red panties. Positive she didn’t own red panties, her suspicions were confirmed when her boyfriend was so nervous he claimed he didn’t even know what panties were. And Maury confirmed, that was a lie.
2. “Who moved my toothbrush?” Goldilocks is alive and well. This chick, will have you thinking you you’re losing your mind, eating porridge you know you didn’t eat. She usually takes the form of significant others who think they’re slick, hiding all signs they have a girlfriend when they have company over. The catch? Sometimes your significant other “forgets” to put your stuff back where and how you left it. I had a toothbrush that went missing once, and was convinced it was packed for a trip we recently took. Interesting, because I went without a toothbrush for a whole day during that trip. *insert unamused emoji here*
3. “Who are you texting?” I can’t even begin to tell you what a huge role the cell phone has played in cheating drama. Case in point: the password. If you don’t know your boo’s password and they make it obvious they don’t want you to have it, I ask the question, “Why you gotta lie Craig?” (Watch Friday if you don’t get the reference.) Anyone who has nothing to hide will have no issue with you using their phone on a whim or letting you laugh at Facebook vids with them. Don’t use Steve Jobs’ fingerprint security upgrade as an excuse, I can add my fingerprint to your phone too!
4. “I’m just going out with the guys.” Do you hear this phrase way too often? People who prefer to be single tend to want “guy time” or “girl’s time” far too much. Some significant others will go as far as starting a fight every single time they’re getting ready to go out. Trust me, I’ve been there. This keeps you from even wanting to be around them, and if the fight leads to a break-up? Even better, that way they don’t feel guilty when they get asked for their number. Shaking my head. Watch these folks, chances are they’re already up to no good.
Have you caught your significant other cheating and have an epic story to tell? Were there any tell-tale signs you realized after the fact? Share it with the Johns and Janes of the Queen City!