For as Long as I can remember, I’ve never liked girls who only hang out with boys. Especially when they weren’t tomboys. All I would think is, “What girlfriends would let their men hang out with this lipstick wearing chick who’s looking for nothing but the perfect opportunity to offer a shoulder, or a chest, to cry on?” *Serious side eye emoji*
Well, I’ve had to put my foot in my mouth since those days. Now, you couldn’t pay me to just hang out with chicks. This past weekend, I was reminded of this fact as I sat downstairs watching football with all guys. Mind you, I’m not even into football like that and yet I was vegging out in front of the TV drinking beer.
After a few beers, my favorite part of the day began: the guy conversation. It’s funny how girls spend so much of their time trying to figure out what guys talk about and the moment you finally get learn about it, you forget why you were ever interested in the first place. I’m no Steve Harvey, but I guess you could say I’m spilling some secrets just like he did in Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
. Not that male conversation is all that interesting, but sometimes it’s quite hilarious nonetheless.
Here are a few of the things I’ve learned while chatting it up at the boys table:
1. Marriage and Kids:
Most of these guys are in their late 20s to early 30s, so you’d think they’d be ready to settle down, right? Nope! Well, maybe in their minds but they do nothing but hassle one another on how serious it’s getting with one another’s girlfriends. Who’s moving quicker than the other? Who’s moving in with their girl? And who’s attempting to live the single life? *Scoffs* They are so full of it — whipped, all of you. Oh, but apparently having kids nor getting married are as bad as going into the store to get tampons for a male’s significant other.
2. Attitude is everything:
Outside of talking about getting serious, they love talking about their relationships in general. What he did to piss her off today and what she did that was annoying the day before that? One of the popular questions was, “When do you ask a girl to start going in halfsies?” Good luck with that one dude!
3. The Good Ole’ Days:
What’s a night of jesting with old friends if the boys don’t talk about what they used to do in high school and college? They talk about times they almost got arrested, how much drinking, usually underage, they did and, of course, all the girls they hooked up with (a lot of time is spent on this one).
Believe it or not, this is a significant topic on the table. Who’d a thunk it? Yes, guys talk about their hair, but not like girls do. The topic? Rogaine, hair plugs and going bald! Talk about LMAO (laughing my ass off). I have never been so entertained to know that there is a physical aspect of a man’s appearance that causes them to be self-conscious. They are scared to death of losing their hair early on in life. To the point that they would rather adjust their hairline to keep from shaving it all off.
5. Girls Pooping:
The conversation started with, “Listen, I’m married. I know women poop.” Every woman reading this article right now is rolling their eyes. OF COURSE we poop. The context? Me choosing to only to take a poop with the water running in the shower, the sink and while having the fan on. But apparently that’s more courteous than most? Lol, guys are so funny. As if we should show them any more courtesy than they show us.
Not familiar with the term? It’s when straight guys are obsessed with one another. They always hang out and they are like peas in a pod — inseparable. And guys love to joke aout this relationship between some of their friends by insinuating there is more because they are so mature. Well, one of them asked me what it was like having two boyfriends. My answer? One farts and lets me know, the other one doesn’t.
After drinking them under the table, as I usually do... well, maybe not this time but usually... I headed home. It’s funny how a short time spent with guys can have you reconsidering why we need them, especially with all the amazing reproductive technology out there. Ladies, what astounding conversations have you had with the fellas lately?