The Green Thorn Apple

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Name of Kama Sutra Position:  The Green Thorn Apple

Getting into the position: Crush milky chunks of cactus with sulfur and realgar. Dry this mixture seven times until it can be easily turned into powder. Add in a monkey turd and sprinkle mixture over your lovers head.

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position (1 as horrible, 10 as sexual nirvana)?

I give this position a  negative 1 ...

Did you have difficulty getting into the position?

No, but it would sure be difficult to gather these ingredients.

Did you feel like a pretzel? Were you able to do the motions once in position?

It would make you feel more like an idiot than a pretzel.

Any recommendations on getting either in or out of this position: N/A

How long did you last in the position? N/A

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the woman): N/A
Enjoyment once you were in position (for the man): N/A

Short Answers:

Was the position comfortable? Were you able to relax?
Man:
N/A
Woman: N/A

Would you consider this to be an intimate position (why or why not)? 

This is another Kama Sutra recipe that is designed to increase the intimacy through the powers of a magical elixir. I will say, however, that any man who goes through these lengths for his lover is very intimate and loving toward her. Either that or belongs in a straight jacket É

Are you achy or sore after the fact?
Man: Would probably receive at least one black eye in the process.
Woman: A bad hair day for sure!

What did the position feel like (both mentally and physically) in 50 words or less? 

So what is this elixir actually for, youÕre probably dying to know. It is to enslave your lover for the rest of their life! They will be within your powers and have only the deepest of desires for you and nobody else. Interestingly, it is the addition of the monkey turd that gives it this magical property.

Did she reach orgasm? N/A
Did he reach orgasm? N/A

Did it take longer than usual to reach orgasm? N/A

Would you do this position again (why or why not)? 

NO! Try this technique at your own risk. I will not be held responsible for either the collection of the ingredients É or the pummeling you receive from your lover afterward!

Any suggestions to make the position more pleasurable?

DonÕt do it É just read and laugh!

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