"Lower crime rate — lower crime rate that's our goal / Lower crime rate — lower crime rate that's our goal / We gotta get Back to Basics / To save this city's soul."
Kind of gets your toes a-tapping, huh? OK, maybe not; and maybe Erdman's theme should have been "Who Let The Dorks Out?," but other candidates are following his lead. I asked around and talked to various campaign sources and just plain made things up, and found that some Council and School Board candidates have asked staffers to come up with new campaign ditties based on baby boomer rock classics. Being a lifelong music fan and a boomer, I'm glad to share some of those candidates' musical experiments, as revealed to me by traitors in their midst.
Mayor Pat McCrory, self-styled art critic and federal job holder wanna-be
To the tune of "The Great Pretender" by the Platters:
Oh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh) / Pretending I'm well-versed in art (ooh ooh) / My need is such I pretend too much / I get all my prints from Wal-Mart.
Oh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh) / Just laughing though I'm not D.C.-bound (ooh ooh) / I seem to be what I'm not, you see / I'm wearing my job like a crown / Pretending you still want me around.
School Board Member George Dunlap
To the tune of "In The Midnight Hour" by Wilson Pickett:
I'm gonna wait till the midnight hour / That's when my e-mails come dribblin' down / I'm gonna wait till the midnight hour / When there's no one else around, / I'm gonna bash your ass and scold ya / And do all the things I told ya / In the midnight hour.
City Councilwoman Susan Burgess
To the tune of "Wild Thing" by the Troggs:
Wild Sue / She works hard for you / She says smoking's not groovy / Wild Sue.
Wild Sue is in her hot tub / But she's not drinking, for sure / She won't quit her job this time / She loves you.
Wild Sue / C'mon c'mon Wild Sue / Shake it, shake it Wild Sue.
School Board Member and Rhino Times publisher Larry Gauvreau
To the tune of "Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin:
What a great nation — I've got a publication / But babe, it's an ethical violation. / Way down inside I know what I'm doing / Gonna give 'em my info /
Gonna give 'em my info / Ahh, I gotta whole lotta nerve / Gotta whole lotta nerve.
Perennial Democratic Mayoral Candidate Craig Madans
To the tune of "Reconsider Me" by Johnny Adams:
Hello voters, yes it's really me / After the last beating I took / Guess you're surprised to see me / Begging for more, like the cokehead I used to be / I've come back to beg you / Reconsider me.
School Board Member Vilma Leake
To the tune of "The Poor Side of Town" by Johnny Rivers:
How can you tell me you've learned a lesson / When the last time I saw you, you pushed secession. / That school bus you've been dissin' / Is what you need now. / Welcome back, suburbs / To my side of town.
City Councilman Pat Mumford
To the tune of "Imagine" by John Lennon:
Imagine there's no McCrory / It's easy if you try / I could be the city's mayor / Not that smirking fratboy guy. / Imagine all the people / Voting for only me. . .
You may say I'm a dreamer / But I know it could be done / Just pack Pat's butt off to D.C. / And the rest of us could have some fun.
City Council Candidate and former Mayor Pro Tem Lynn Wheeler
To the tune of "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do" by Neil Sedaka:
You took your votes away from me / And you left me in misery / My TV gig made me feel so blue / 'Cause breaking up is hard to do.
They say that breaking up just completely sucks / Don't I know it, so give me your bucks / Show some green and I'll be your friend / Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making up again.
Remember when I was mayor pro tem / I thought the fun would never end. / Forget the arena I beg of you / 'Cause breaking up is hard to do.
