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The Many Phases of Jane

Secret index gives peek at Fonda memoir


Jane Fonda may have quit acting when she married Ted Turner in 1991, but her retirement, like the marriage, didn't take. Over the next month, the Oscar-winning actress/aerobics queen makes a splashy return to the pop culture limelight. She releases her memoir, My Life So Far, on April 5, then stars in her first leading role in more than a decade as Jennifer Lopez's mother-in-law in the comedy Monster-in-Law, opening May 6. And DVDs of her famed workout tapes will be released April 26. Review copies of Fonda's book have not been made available to the press, but Creative Loafing's Bureau of Imaginary Journalism has uncovered this facsimile of the book's index, which provides intriguing hints of its contents.

Barbarella (1968)
Furthering cause of feminism by playing sci-fi sexpot in, p. 99
Sick of being asked about, p. 100, 176, 223, 282, 319, 445, 509, 624
Wondering why husband Roger Vadim makes her keep dressing up as, p. 110-123

Best ladies rooms at Vassar to throw up in, p. 49

China Syndrome, The (1979)
Five weeks spent learning Chinese for, p. 380
Two-hour tantrum after finding out film has nothing to do with China, p. 382
Thanking Three Mile Island managers for cross-promotional nuclear accident, p. 386

Coming Home (1978)
Playing handicapped veteran's wife in, p. 244
Waiting for role to dispel "Hanoi Jane" image, p. 259
Winning Best Actress Oscar for, p. 260

Fonda, Peter (brother)
Arguing over whose film roles most embarrassed Dad in the 1960s, p. 399
First sampling brownies from his special recipe, p. 80

Fonda, Henry (father)
The Grapes of Wrath performance as Hollywood inspiration, p. 31
Meteor, The Swarm performances as Hollywood cautionary tale, p. 32

Hanoi Hilton
Making reservations for, p. 199
Discovering it's not really a Hotel, p. 201
Denial of giving aid and comfort to the enemy, p. 212
Denial of letting Ho Chi Minh play with her Oscar, p. 213

"Hanoi Jane"
Hoping nickname doesn't stick after Vietnam visit, p. 210
Still waiting for nickname to go away, p. 491, 567, 624
Wondering if nickname will be on tombstone, p. 623

Hayden, Tom (marriage, 1973-1990)
Complaining he didn't talk her out of Vietnam visit, p. 211

Klute (1971)
Comparing showbiz to prostitution, p. 148-149
Delighted to win Oscar for, p. 150
Wondering why husband Roger Vadim makes her keep dressing up as, p. 153

Monster-in-Law (2005)
Finding out from Jennifer Lopez why they call her "J-Lo," p. 608
Insisting on being addressed as "J-Fo," p. 609

Nine to Five (1980)
Fun working with Dolly Parton on, p. 487
Trying to get that damn song out of her head, p. 488

Plastic surgery
Reconciling workout empowerment ethos with elective cosmetic surgery, p. 504

They Shoot Horses, Don't They? (1969)
Four weeks spent shooting horses as research for, p. 133
Tantrum after finding out film has nothing to do with horses, p. 134

Turner, Ted (marriage, 1991-2001)
Reasons he's not crazy, p. 547
Reasons she wasn't crazy for marrying him, p. 553-554
Reasons for separating from him, p. 580-592 (with chart)

Vadim, Roger (marriage, 1965-1973)
Directing sex-charged scenes in Barbarella, p. 99
Directing sex-charged scenes in La Ronde, p. 88
Directing sex-charged scenes over breakfast, during cab rides, etc., p. 113

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