METAPHYSICAL MALICE: Four suspects jumped out of a vehicle, converging on a 19-year-old man on his way to the bus stop. The hooligans "attempted to relieve him of his worldly possessions," but the gang was unable to obtain any property from the tough teen despite punching him in the face. The hooligans may have gotten further had they targeted the teen's outer worldly possessions, like his spirit.
BABIES AREN'T GUARD DOGS: While shopping at Kohl's, a Fort Mill woman decided to leave her purse with her baby. Mom put the purse in the baby's stroller and was upset when she found it missing. We think mom should be grateful the burglar selected the purse.
FALSE ADVERTISING: A woman advised that her boyfriend kicked in the door to her house and came inside "to talk." Once inside, the man grabbed the woman around the neck. Um ... that's not talking.
WOMEN STRIKE BACK: After arguing with her boyfriend over money, a woman became enraged, slapped him in the face and then found a nearby stick and struck him over the head with it. In a separate but similar incident, an enraged woman forced her way into a man's house, causing him to fall as the door struck him. Once inside, she selected a kitchen pot as a weapon and began striking the man about his arms and shoulders. The woman then smashed the man's TV screen with the pot. Are you visualizing this yet?
GRANDSONS STRIKE BACK: A grandma did something to irritate her two grandsons. After an argument, one of the grandsons picked up a chair and threw it into the screen door, causing it to tear. Maybe grandma's transgression was too many smooches?
NINJA ACTION: A 46-year-old woman called the police on her daughter for flinging a CD at her. The disc hit the mother in the nose, causing a small laceration. 1) We're hoping the CD was at least something decent, like Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and not something cheesy, like Carrie Underwood. And 2) at least the daughter didn't fling throwing stars.
OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK: In the shoe section of Sports Authority, a man put on a brand new pair of sneakers. He attempted to exit the store, lowering his black jeans over his shiny new kicks, but he was caught and charged with shoplifting.
Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.