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The Simple Art of Harassment: A man reported to police that some pesk called him on the phone a half dozen times in one day. During these calls, the annoying caller either remained silent or, horror of horrors, played country music.

Mr. Rogers Would Be Ashamed: A man asked his neighbor to stop doing construction work on his house because it violated the city noise ordinance. The noisy neighbor refused, and for good measure ordered him off his property and threatened to kick his ass.

Kissing Bandit: Police were summoned to a woman's house after she claimed she was assaulted by a known acquaintance. Just what kind of assault was it? He planted a big smooch on her forehead "against her wishes."

Bite Me: Hell hath no fury like an ex mother-in-law. A woman forcibly removed her ex son-in-law's five-year-old-child from his grasp by biting him on the arm.

Clean Up Your Act: Employees at a local department store observed a would-be thief shoplifting bars of soap. When they confronted Mr. Clean, he threw down the soap, ran from the store, and fled the scene in a car.

Hello, 911? Ouch!: While on the phone to 911, a man was slapped in the face, which sent his glasses flying. Why was the hapless guy calling the cops? To report that his ungrateful and slaphappy "friend" was returning the car he was never given permission to use.

Trust No One: A woman was struck by another driver, and after inspecting the damage, the person who caused the accident stated she needed to go to her residence to get her information. The crash victim navely agreed and, you guessed it, the driver at fault never returned.

Blowing Your Cool: Upon arriving at work, a man was berated, cursed, and struck in the chest with a box. When police showed up, the assault victim explained that the hot head who was responsible was angry with him because he hadn't ordered enough air conditioning supplies.

Dude, Where's My Beer And My Car?: A man let his friend borrow his car to go on a beer run. After an hour had passed and his friend had still not returned, the thirsty and now car-less man called police to report the theft.

Quote of the Week: This was told to a woman right before she delivered her baby. "I will throw your baby against the wall if he ever comes over here!"

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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