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The Blotter

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A DULL ATTACK: A police report was filed recently from a nursing home. According to the report, two of the residents got into a dispute and one of them grabbed a butter knife and assaulted the other with it. The butter knife caused minor hand and scalp injuries.

HOW NOT TO BEAT THE HEAT: There are many ways to conquer the sun's evil flaming blasts. One man, however, chose an unwise method to do just that. According to a report, he walked into a convenience store, put several ice-cold 24 oz. beer cans down his pants, and walked out without paying for them.

A HOLE IN ONE: A man was walking down the street one evening when another man approached him from behind and demanded that he give him his shoes. When the first man refused, the second man pulled out a gun and fired it. The bullet struck the first man in the foot, thus ruining the shoes that were to be stolen.

PAGING DOCTOR CROOK: A woman placed an ad in the newspaper to sell her $8000 watch. A man called her a few days later expressing interest in it and told her to meet him at the hospital so he could purchase it. When she arrived, he told her he was a doctor and wanted to show it to other doctors before buying it. She handed it over and he never came back.

MIGHT WANT TO DUMP HIM: A woman and her boyfriend got into an argument recently resulting in him storming out of their apartment. He returned a few minutes later with an axe. He walked into her bedroom and began chopping up her bed into little pieces. This gave her a chance to escape, but as she made it out of the apartment, he hit her in the back of the head with a rice cooker.

HOW NOT TO CURE DRY SKIN: During a fight between a husband and his wife, the wife grabbed a bottle of lotion and smacked him in the face with it before throwing it at his legs.

$2 A GALLON MY ASS!: Police responded to the scene of a man standing in front of a truck. The man had popped open the truck's gas cap and was repeatedly flicking his lighter on and off in front of it.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Well it's been a fun ride, loyal Blotter readers. Unfortunately this is my final entry, as I must move on. I thank each and every one of you who read my unusual findings weekly. I'll leave you with some kind words uttered by one man to another in a recent police report: I'm going to kill your sorry ass! I have a gun and I can kill you from one hundred yards away. I will bash your fucking head in and beat you to death.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.


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