News & Views » The Blotter

The Blotter

by

comment
STOP, DROP, AND ROLL: For whatever reason, a man decided to take all of his personal belongings and put them out on a large section of pine needles in his backyard. He then set them on fire and began to roll around in the flames. Luckily, there were witnesses nearby, and the man was eventually hospitalized.

ARE YOU HAPPY TO STEAL ME?: A man browsing through the men's section of a department store stuffed the front of his pants with several pairs of socks. Store employees eventually noticed the bulge, and realizing they weren't looking at Mick Jagger, they began walking in his direction. The man, upon seeing the employees, grabbed a George Foreman Grill and swiftly exited the store. He was apprehended in the parking lot.

THAT AIN'T FLOUR: The State of North Carolina filed a report recently that went as follows: "On the listed date and time indicated, an unknown person damaged the listed property without the owner's knowledge or consent." What was taken? $1500 worth of cocaine.

BEAT, HEAT, REPEAT: A woman's boyfriend had a bit too much to drink recently, and was causing a scene outside their apartment in the parking lot. She decided to let him cool down by locking their door. He was angered by this and busted the door down. She responded by pouring boiling water on him. This too angered him so he hit her. She responded to that by once again dousing him with boiling water.

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?: After walking through a metal detector, a woman was pulled aside at the airport for questioning. When asked for her boarding pass, the woman spit in the face of the security worker, and then walked over into a restricted area and sat down.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: I'm going to spray paint your car, home, and office, bitch. Maybe even your fucking face. I'm going to get you, I swear I'm going to get you.

POWER TRIP: An unknown person cut the lines from a telephone pole to an apartment building, then disconnected the apartment's electrical boxes, removed wires, and threw everything into the trash dumpster.

BONUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK: I'll call you as much as I want to, asshole. Your marriage isn't going to be blessed by God. Because of your slutty wife, God will not bless either of you.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

Add a comment