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The Blotter

Police Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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* Help, police, we need an English teacher: A married couple called police after they received a phone call in which, according to the police report, the caller leveled the following grammatically scary threats: "That was fucked up you guys calling child protective services. I'm gonna kill you and your wife. You think you big stuff cause you're married to him. You ain't cause he ain't shit. I'm gonna get you."

* Leading by example: While in the kitchen, a man began criticizing a woman about how she disciplined her children. Apparently the man didn't think his words were getting through, so he grabbed the woman by the throat and threatened, "You better control your kids or I'll beat all of you." After releasing the woman, the loser added, "I'll hit you in the mouth if you say anything."

* Man, that's cold: The project superintendent of a new business called police after he discovered someone had broken into the ice machine located at the project's construction site and stolen over $150 worth of bagged ice.

* Mom turns into rat: Upon returning from a field trip to a Charlotte department store, a high school teacher noticed one of her students wearing a blue bandana around his head. She had seen him eyeballing the bandana earlier in the day when they were at the store, but she knew that he had made no purchases. When she questioned him about his new fashion accessory, the student became upset and ran from the classroom. The police had arrived by the time the student was brought back to class, and he admitted lifting the bandana. The next morning, the mother of the fleet-fingered student called police and reported that she had discovered a 12-pack of batteries in her son's backpack, which she believes he stole from the store as well.

* Stop, thief. . .ah, whatever: A woman had a bird's-eye view of the theft of her boyfriend's car. The boyfriend had parked his car outside an insurance company and left the keys in the ignition while he ran inside to pay a bill. The woman was a passenger in another vehicle parked nearby, and watched as a bold car crook hopped inside her boyfriend's empty car and drove away.

* Park and die: A case of "I was here first" turned ugly recently at a mall parking lot. Two women, both making a beeline for the same parking space, almost collided when neither one would budge. One woman apparently got so irked she exited her car and started slamming her fist against the other woman's driver-side window, threatening to kick her ass. The other woman, armed with a cell phone, remained in her car and dialed police. The pissed-off parker left the scene before police arrived.

* I'm not as think as you drunk I am: After a night out on the town in which a copious amount of alcohol was consumed, two inebriated roommates safely made it back to their apartment, only to nearly kill each other. An argument stemming from divergent musical tastes escalated into an all out brawl, and resulted in a trashed stereo, a broken door and a shattered window.

* There's no denying the munchies: Workers at a Charlotte grocery store observed a young man grab a bag of chips and some dip and proceed to devour it all while walking around the store. When the young man started to make his way out the door, management stopped him and demanded payment. The young man admitted he had no money, but promised to come back the following day and pay what he owed. Store managers weren't going for it, and the police were called. *

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