Defiling Defamer: A 51-year-old insurance salesman left work at his Rocky River Road office. He noticed that someone had spray-painted "thief" in neon pink across the hood of the Honda Accord he was driving. The car belonged to his father, who will now have to add "father of a" to the graffiti.

Groin Shot: At a Ballantyne restaurant, a 41-year-old employee was assaulted by a suspect who kicked him "in his private parts." The man described the kick in detail, saying that it came from behind him and through his legs. Surprisingly, responders did not classify the injury as serious.

Bums Have Crazy Weapons: A panhandler asked a gentleman for some change and the man said he could not give anything. All he had was $20, he said, which was too much to give to a bum. The bum disagreed, attempting to get the $20 bill from the man. A struggle ensued which resulted in the man receiving a puncture wound from a hanger.

Would you Like An Omelette?: An employee at U-Haul reported that two suspects entered the truck lot and threw eggs and tomatoes at the U-Haul vehicles and buildings.

Girl Not Included: One hundred yards into his getaway, an unsuspected car thief noticed something was askew in his newly stolen vehicle. An 11-year-old girl, who hadn't said a word, was in the back seat. The car thief stopped the vehicle on University City Boulevard, got out and ran away.

Magic Egg: A robbery was reported at a place called G-Force Marketing and Coaching. A DVD player and the charger base of a decorative electronic egg, not the egg itself, were reported missing.

Threat Of The Week: Black-market firearms are illegal. This week's TOTW winner does his murdering by the books. After placing 12 harassing calls between 5 a.m. and 9 p.m., a man said: "I am a licensed gun holder. I'm gonna get a gun and I'm gonna shoot you. I wish that person would have killed you. I'm going to make you go through so much hell. You ain't seen nothing yet."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.