Next Time Shuttle It: A man using the valet parking service at the airport returned from his trip and noticed that his iPod had been stolen from the armrest holder he had left it in. May I recommend the Long-Term 2 lot?

More Parking Lot Woes: A woman, presumably a masseuse, parked her Nissan Pathfinder outside a Sleep Inn where she was staying. In the morning she discovered someone had stolen her $250 massage table from the back of the vehicle.

Boogeyman Be Gone: A woman was in her bed when she noticed a person was hiding under it. She screamed and the suspect booked it.

Secret Compartment: A Dollar Store shopper stuffed $12 curtains in his pants and made for the door. An employee told the shopper to remove the item from his pants, but he exited the store with the curtains in his trousers.

News flash: More than one suspect called a woman to tell her she talked too much and that she was stupid. The woman, in turn, called the police, evidently to report her hurt feelings.

PSA?: A vandal used orange fluorescent spray paint to write: "Think about AIDS" on a woman's driveway. The woman suffered a similar vandalism act to her driveway two years ago.

Threats Of The Week: Just too many gems to pick a winner this week. So, vote for your favorite threat online:

• "You're a lucky person today because normally I would just break you in half and kick your ass. And these piece of shit vehicles of yours, I'd tear them up along with the house."

• "Stupid bitch, bring your ass back to Milwaukee."

• "You and your trailer park kids are going to die."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.