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The Blotter

Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police reports


How Large Is Your Crotch?: A suspect was busted for trying to conceal items in his pants at a TJ Max. The man tried to conceal a baseball hat and an electric shaver in his knickers.

How Large Is Your Purse?: An employee at Jerry's Market (not Jerry) observed a woman put a whole ham in her purse. The ham-burglar was stopped at the counter and asked to open her purse. Brazenly she opened it to show off her loot. Then she shut the purse and ran out.

Game On: A 47-year-old dancer parked at a dance academy returned to her car to find it had been keyed. The keyer had drawn tic-tac-toe grids on the car and filled in some squares. Since both X's and O's were filled in, police suspect more than one person may be involved.

Crazy Dude: A landscaper was minding his business when he noticed a man lying down on Church Street by the fire station. A fire truck left the station blaring its sirens which caused the man to jump up and charge at the landscaper. The crazy man began to push the landscaper and demand to know what way the train was coming from (not the truck). The landscaper wisely took his blower and blew air in the man's face. The crazy man backed away. Then another fire truck came down the street and this time the crazy man tried to jump on. When he failed, he saw the landscaper and made another bullish charge. Two firemen hopped out of the truck and held the crazy man on the ground until police arrived.

Insult To Injury: An 18-year-old man reported he was assaulted by a suspect who squirted hot sauce in his face. While he was reeling in pain, the suspect threw the plastic bottle at his neck.

More food throwing: An officer responded to a disturbance call and arrived to find glass from a front door had been shattered. He began questioning a group about what had transpired when a suspect approached the group and threw a tomato at them. Then the suspect ran away, and the group chased after tomato man.

Threat Of The Week: "You need someone to cut your ass. I'm gonna be back over here, you wait and see. I'm gonna beat your ass."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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