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The Blotter

Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police reports


Jim Carrey Impersonation: A man was installing cable at a woman's house when he started chatting her up about owning a massage company. Then he began to rub the woman's back as a demonstration. The first time this happened, she got up and walked into the kitchen hoping the creepy cable guy would get the hint that she didn't want the free back massage. He walked over to her at the kitchen table where she was writing a check for the cable and continued the massage. The woman stated that while she was uncomfortable, she did not tell the cable masseuse not to touch her. It is not believed she will call him for her future massaging needs.

Is It Meat?: At the Family Dollar, a woman placed the following items in a bag: Ritz Crackers, Planters Cashews, Cheese-its, body wash, body crème, and Spam. She then left the store without paying for the items and was arrested shortly afterwards. Is it really a crime to steal Spam?

The Future Is Now: A 37-year-old woman received harassing phone calls and text messages last week. The threatening messages said, "If you are with this person, I will see you soon. I will see you sooner than you think." The woman feared the next threatening message might say, "I will see you so soon I may have already seen you."

OF Fish And Gumballs: A man walked into Tropic Pets and told the clerk he wanted to buy some fish. The clerk was in the back getting the fish when he heard the customer banging the gumball machine. The customer said the gumball machine ate his quarter without producing a candy treat. Then the customer ran out of the store without buying the fish. After the customer left, the clerk noticed he had emptied out the cash register.

Where Is Nelson when You Need Him?: A teenager approached another teen in his neighborhood and accused him of stealing a pool stick. Then the accuser slipped his foot behind the accused and pushed him, causing the boy to trip.

Threat Of The Week: This week's winner brings up some interesting metaphysical questions. A man called a woman to tell her: "Your body is my body and if you give it away, I'll kill you."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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