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The Blotter

Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police reports

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Hot Things In The Face: At the drive-thru of a Wendy's (where only good, yummy things are supposed to happen) a man became irate when his fries were cold. The employee went outside to deliver hot, fresh fries to the man's vehicle in the parking lot. He got out of the vehicle and began cursing and yelling at her. As she turned to walk back into the restaurant, the man threw the hot fries in her face. In another incident, a man was assaulted by a suspect who squirted hot sauce all over him. As a kicker, the suspect threw the plastic bottle on him.

Fill In The Blank: "Tell Jimmie I'll rip his head off and shut his !" is the message that a caller left on a cell phone of someone who knows Jimmie. It is unclear if the caller said, "exclamation mark" or if the message was censored. All that is certain is that this would make for an excellent Mad Libs. And shut his ______ (body part). Nipple?

If A then B?: A woman going through a divorce and child custody battle with her husband reported that he had assaulted her. The husband also reported that he had been assaulted by the woman. What they seem not to know is that assault is a not mutually exclusive activity.

A Spiritual Steal: Two concrete Buddha lawn ornaments were stolen out of the yard of a north Charlotte home. It is not believed the suspects are close to achieving Zen.

Colonel To The Rescue: A woman sought refuge in a KFC from a suspect who yelled, "You Bitch! I'm gonna kick your ass. When you come out, me, my sister and my friend, we're gonna jump you. We're gonna get you." The victim did not come out and the suspect, the suspect's sister and the suspect's friend left.

Canine Threat Of The Week: A man threatened a woman's Labrador retriever on Coverdale Drive. Although the man threatened the life of her canine friend, he did so in a polite manner. "Excuse me, but I just might have to shoot your dog," is what the fellow said.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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