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The Blotter: Watch the Car, Bro

Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (Feb. 23)



Frat Bros Police responded after two men agreed to fight each other in an apartment complex and — surprise — things got out of hand in University last week. The 20-year-old and 23-year-old "equally agreed" to participate in the fight at an apartment complex near the UNC Charlotte campus, and carried that fight out in order to solve a problem that had been brewing between the two. The real problem occurred when property damage came into play, as the older of the two reported that his vehicle was dented during the fight. He reported $500 in damage to the trunk of his Infiniti, proving that there still comes a cost to boys being boys.

Family Matters A 38-year-old woman in northwest Charlotte filed a police report last week after her own daughter kicked her in the spot from which she came. The mother told officers that the 16-year-old girl kicked her in the stomach. In an unrelated incident, an elderly woman got a glimpse of just what her bloodline has become during an incident in east Charlotte. The 78-year-old woman told police that she knew it was her granddaughter who vandalized her vehicles, doing $450 in damage each to two cars, because she was caught on tape doing the crime. The woman added that the suspect could be seen assaulting another woman with a blunt object on the tape as well.

Getting Greedy A shoplifter made a clean getaway at a Walmart in south Charlotte last week, only to return to the scene of the crime and get arrested the very next day. According to the report, the man entered the store early one morning and walked out with two Bluetooth speakers, a mobile Wi-Fi hot spot, a prepaid cellphone, a wireless mouse, a universal keyboard and — the kicker — two boxes of doughnuts. The suspect got away, but was recognized by security when he came into the store the next day and immediately began trying to conceal more merchandise on his person.


Staying Subtle A man found more success in a Walmart in northeast Charlotte when he decided to aim smaller than the above-mentioned shoplifter. The guy reportedly came into the store at 4 p.m. with a doughnut craving similar to that of the thief caught on his return to the store, but this guy made things easier for himself. He concealed two packages of mini doughnuts on his person, as opposed to the large box of Krispy Kremes stolen by his south Charlotte counterpart. This guy also got away with an ice cream bar, a package of chicken wings, a head wrap and a premade sandwich.

Spreading Shit One might think that the leading cause of disagreement between neighbors could be any number of issues: loud music, property line disputes, parking spots. But one thing that's become clear in my many years filing through police reports for this column is that one thing gets Charlotte's suburbanites fighting more than anything else: dog shit. It was probably one of these classic disputes that led a woman to make a horrible discovery one morning as she tried to make her way to work. The woman told police that she went to get into her car early one morning only to find that someone had spread dog feces inside and around her door handle. It probably took her all day to get that smell off her fingers.

Suck My Caulk A 50-year-old man filed a police report after his home was damaged by something meant to fix it. The man told police that three suspects with a score to settle — probably related to construction — threw multiple tubes of caulk at the side of his home. A couple of the tubes apparently exploded or at least broke upon impact, staining the side of the home and doing $100 in damage.

Trailer Traps A 52-year-old truck driver pulled over in Charlotte for a rest last week, but he didn't stick to the normal spots where on-the-road types might pull over for some Zs. The man told police that he was asleep in his big rig trailer in the Enderly Park neighborhood at around 4 a.m. when someone suddenly opened the door and pulled him out, slamming him to the ground in a rude awakening. The man said two suspects demanded cash from him, but settled for his cellphone. Safe to say he'll stick to rest stops from here on out.

Shoot Your Shot Two men working the late shift at a gas station in east Charlotte got the scare of their lives last week when an incompetent robber entered the store and opened fire. The men later told officers that the man was holding two handguns when he walked into the 7-Eleven and immediately fired a couple shots at the cashiers before approaching the register. This is when it appears he got cold feet, however, as the report states that the suspect simply "looked around" the cash register for a few moments before fleeing the scene.

Threat of the Week A 49-year-old man called police rather than take his chances at bedtime last week after his roommate allegedly told him multiple times that he wants to kill him when he falls asleep.

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