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Teabags and snotty pizzas


Welcome to another fabulous edition of Ask Boomer With Attitude, live from Charlotte, N.C., home of teabaggers, nervous CEO's, and NASCAR-wannabe policemen. Let's get on with the show, this week featuring some really wired-up readers asking pretty rude questions. In a departure from the usual Ask BWA practice of including one fake question, all of the following queries were actually submitted by readers. Have fun.

Dear BWA: I don't guess we'll be seeing your sorry ass at the Tea Party, huh? -- Tony C.

Dear Tony: Thanks for the kind invitation. I'm sorry to have to answer your question after the Tea Party was held, but hey, that's one of the frustrations of being published weekly. (Of course, for news and commentary every day, visit our Web site at I honestly would have attended the Tea Party downtown -- I'm as unhappy about bank and car company bailouts as the next American -- if the "movement" was a genuine grassroots phenomenon and not the artificial creation of well-funded, lobbyist-run right-wing think tanks, the main one of which is run by former GOP House Majority Leader Dick Armey. And if the organizers' rhetoric hadn't quickly devolved into paranoia (Obama = Hitler?) and misdirected anger. As we wrote in a news blog item last week, a lot of people who are nervous and angry don't know what else to do, and who mean well, showed up for the Tea Parties. But the right-wing view of things they heard -- that our main problem is government spending and not corporate rip-offs -- is delusional, in addition to being driven by lobbyists for the corporations who've been screwing the country all along. Moreover, the Tea Parties brought out so many mouth-foaming nutcases, GOP leaders are already wondering whether the Republican party was hurt more than helped by the Tea Parties, amid fears that the loudest and most offensive elements of the "movement" will become the image of the party. As liberal activist Markos Moulitsos, founder of the Daily Kos site, said, "Conservatives are finding out why I generally don't like protests on my side. They bring out the wackos."

Dear BWA: I think the Domino's Pizza workers in Conover who snotted on the pizzas should be fired! -- Disgusted

Dear Disgusted: And your question was ... ? OK, no question. No matter, because you got your wish -- the YouTube stars of the pizza world were fired, and Domino's sales were reportedly down, at least in the days after word got out regarding the Conover crew's special sauces. I've treated Domino's pizza as if it were snot-covered for years, i.e., not buying it, because of the practices of the chain's owner, Tom Monaghan. He made his fortune from Domino's, and he uses that fortune to lend financial support to extreme anti-abortion activists such as Operation Rescue and right-wing fundamentalist groups like Word of God. Domino's, as a company, does not donate to these groups. But the money generated from selling pizza does go into Monaghan's pockets and then onward to groups I seriously disagree with, so I chose to join the many others who've decided to avoid Domino's -- even in the pre-snot days.

Dear BWA: Your bias is unbelievable. Is there even one f-ing thing Obama has done that you don't slurp up like a lap dog? -- Nobama

Dear Nobama: Thanks for your reasoned query. As a matter of fact, yes, there are several actions Obama has taken that are big problems. I've been waiting for the first 100 days of his administration to pass before writing about them, but since you ask, here's one awful thing Obama has done: The president decided to appeal a recent court decision that granted habeas corpus rights to detainees at the Bagram Air Force base in Afghanistan. This was an utterly outrageous action, especially since Obama specifically campaigned on a platform that vowed to renew American respect for the universally recognized right of habeas corpus (the simple right to know why you've been arrested and be able to challenge the reason). Obama should be ashamed, and his progressive supporters need to call him on it. As Stephen Colbert described Obama's decision on The Colbert Report, "He's just following the long-standing principle of American justice: guilty until proven forgotten about."

Dear BWA: Do you Twitter? If so, I would love to follow you. -- A Fan

Dear A Fan: I'm certainly flattered, I think, but no, I don't Twitter. Or Tweet. Whichever is correct. The whole phenomenon seems, well, pretty narcissistic, as evidenced by the ridiculous "contest" in which actor Ashton "Granny Lover" Kutcher garnered a million Twitter followers quicker than CNN. Excuse me, but if you even remotely give a rip about Kutcher's Tweets, then you, my friend, seriously need to get a life. Volunteer, take a walk, anything that'll get you away from your friggin' phone for a second. Even though Katie Couric says she does Twitter "selectively," I pretty much agreed with her last week when she said, "I don't think anybody gives a rat's ass whether I am about to eat a tuna sandwich. I don't even care."

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