We understand the simple way the human mind can work. It's summer, meaning it's hot. It's hot, meaning the less clothes the better. Less clothes, meaning getting naked. Getting naked ... hey, let's have sex!
OK, so maybe we're not all that primitive, but you get the drift. July is a leisure month, so we figured we'd take this opportunity to urge Charlotteans to get playful and frisky (and safe, always safe). To that end, we've assembled a package of stories all dealing in one way or another with love and lust and everything in between.
Of course, we're mindful that this is Charlotte, which has never been mistaken for a swingin' town like New York, Seattle or San Francisco. But as the city continues its evolution from Old Stifled South to New Progressive South, we figured we'd take a chance and see if we've become collectively more open-minded and accepting over the years. So here's our chance to find out.
We'd like to introduce you to Dan Savage. Savage, seen in the accompanying photo, has been the sex columnist for Seattle's weekly alternative The Stranger since 1991, but he's no, uh, stranger to other parts of the country: His popular advice column, Savage Love, currently runs in several dozen newspapers across the nation. We're considering adding him to the CL family, but we figured we'd let our loyal readers have a say in the matter. So take a look at a couple of his columns that are printed following this intro and let us know what you think. To vote, you can either go to the Cover section at www.charlotte.creativeloafing.com and e-mail us via the link under the story, or you can e-mail us directly at backtalk@creativeloafing.com. Just let us know if "Yes! Please run Savage Love as a regular feature in Creative Loafing." or "No! I never want to see Savage Love (dis)grace the pages of Creative Loafing again." (Actually, a simple "yes" or "no" response will suffice.) Unlike presidential elections of late, which tend to be fixed, this one's on the level, meaning that every vote counts.
Beyond the Savage, you'll also find the literary (a review of Alan Moore's latest graphic novel), the informative (so that's how men think!), the humorous (one guy's online porn pilgrimage) and the instructional (environmentally sound sex toys). Enjoy!
Savage Love
By Dan Savage
I am a 21-year-old male in a two-year relationship with a 20-year-old girl. The first year we dated, we were living in the same city, but now we live an hour apart. My girlfriend comes up to visit me almost every weekend, and I visit her every once in a while. Up until three or four months ago, we had a very healthy sex life. Now we barely have sex. She claims that it's not that she doesn't want me, but every time I come on to her or mention doing anything sexual, even just making out, she declines. She's tired or needs to study. She says stuff like, "We will do it tomorrow morning/tonight/when we get back from the store," but when the time comes, she has no interest.
I don't know if she's just no longer sexually interested in me or what. I know that she loves me, and she tells me she thinks I'm very attractive. We used to have sex a couple of times a day. Now I'm lucky if I get it once or twice a month. I love her very much and don't want to lose her over this, but I can feel it already coming between us.
Hopeless And Konfused
She isn't into you anymore, she's seeing someone else, or she isn't into you anymore and she's seeing someone else. So why doesn't she dump you? Because she's trying to let you down easy, HAK. Your girlfriend, being young and stupid, doesn't realize that a long, drawn-out period of constant, low-level rejection -- we'll do it later, I'm still attracted to you, you still turn me on -- only makes the ultimate, unavoidable pain of total rejection worse.
It's a mistake that a lot of people make when they're young, HAK: We worry that the boyfriend or girlfriend we want to be rid of will be devastated when we leave, so we string 'em along, making ourselves (and our bodies) less available to them, in a futile attempt to gradually wean them from our irreplaceable selves. When we finally do get around to dumping them, the hurt of being broken up with is compounded by the humiliation of having been made a fool of.
In other words, HAK, it's over. Your girlfriend doesn't have the decency to end it honestly, but you can have the self-respect to end it yourself.
I love my husband so, so much. He's so, so good to me, we have a great life together, and the sex is good. But there's another man I'm so, so attracted to. I don't want to jeopardize my marriage or hurt my husband, but I'm afraid I might give in to the attraction in a moment of weakness. At the same time, I don't want to give up the activity where I see this other man, because the activity (martial-arts study) is a really important part of my life.
