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State of Schlock

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"The band should be called, 'I'm in a band with Ted Nugent.'" -- Evan Seinfeld

As an aging rocker going for one last grab at the spotlight, when does it occur to you that if your comeback is sponsored by Wendy's new Frescata sandwiches, perhaps you no longer, well, rock? Set in a gaudy Vegas mansion, VH1's new Supergroup features five has-been rock stars trying to put together a band in 12 days. It's a Frankenstein's monster-like cross between Behind the Music, The Surreal Life, Making the Band and Rock Star: INXS. All that's missing is a 15-inch Stonehenge monument and Mark Wahlberg's pierced nipple.

Were you hoping for Brian May, Vernon Reid, Lars Ulrich and Michael Anthony fronted by Pat Benatar? Sorry, you get Ted Nugent and Sons -- Scott Ian of Anthrax, Evan Seinfeld of Biohazard, Jason Bonham (son of Led Zeppelin's John Bonham) and Sebastian Bach of Skid Row. From a marketing perspective, appearing on Supergroup probably makes sense for Seinfeld, who runs an adult video company with porn-star wife, Tera Patrick. It's also a fit for Bach, the ultimate pretty boy of hair metal yesteryear, who while expertly applying his own makeup, rightly remarks, "I was doing this when Good Charlotte was a stain on their daddy's pant leg." By contrast, Ian and Bonham only seem to be squandering their remaining street credibility.

Nugent, both the star and bane of the series, one-time "Motor City Madman" and current 2nd Amendment zealot, already did the mediocre mega-collabo thing with Damn Yankees in the early '90s. Now, the Nuge is the virtual house dad, trying to corral his charges into a condensed creative process while still providing the necessary melodrama that reality TV cameras crave. The first episode features Nugent breaking out his 1979-vintage game to flirt unsuccessfully with Danushka, the house chef, then later turning down a trip to a trendy topless bar because he's worried about what Mrs. Nugent would say.

Get amped for plenty of fruitless jam sessions, super-egos and Cinemax-grade sexuality. Prediction: a sequel called Supergroupies starring five 50-something women no one has ever heard of. We're not worthy.

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