NICOLAS CAGE AND WIFE NAME THEIR BABY KAL-EL, SUPERMAN'S BIRTH NAME

Is it too late for Cage to officially change his own name to Nut-Job?

McCRORY STORMS OUT OF DEBATE, DEMANDS APOLOGY AFTER MADANS SAYS RACE WAS FACTOR IN LIGHTRAIL LOCATIONS

We're surprised His Royal Self-Importance didn't command Madans to kiss his ring.

SUE MYRICK STOOPS TO RACE-BAITING IN THE TITLE OF HER NEW ATTACK ON UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS, "THE 10K RUN FOR THE BORDER ACT."

Ms. Myrick, why don't you run for the border, cross it and never come back?

TOM DELAY INDICTED FOR MONEY LAUNDERING, COULD GET LIFE SENTENCE

Whaddaya know, suddenly, we're pro-life!

UNACCREDITED BARBER-SCOTIA COLLEGE CONFIRMS ENROLLMENT OF FEWER THAN FIVE STUDENTS

Guess they won't have to sit too long in the sun on graduation day.

COPS USE BOMB-SNIFFING DOGS TO SEARCH STAGE AT STONES CONCERT IN VIRGINIA

Turns out the only real bomb in the area was the Stones' new album.

HOWARD DEAN, TALKING ABOUT HARRIET MIERS, SAYS, "YOU CAN'T PLAY HIDE THE SALAMI, OR WHATEVER IT'S CALLED."

Um, maybe you should stick to screaming, Howard.

TED KOPPEL TO HOST LAST NIGHTLINE IN NOVEMBER

It will take ABC that long to find another announcer with a small animal on his head.