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ANNE RICE GIVES UP VAMPIRES, NOW WRITES NOVELS ABOUT JESUS

Let's see, vampires live forever and rise from the dead. . . . hey, this should be a cinch.

NBC6 SCHEDULES GERALDO AT LARGE AS "STRONG LEAD-IN" TO THEIR NEW AFTERNOON SHOW

So much for its image as "Charlotte's serious news station."

NEW HOMELESS WINTER SHELTER OPENS ON TIME

Now if homeless people can just get the $1.20 to pay for the out-of-the-way location.

FOLLOW-UP: NICOLAS CAGE SAYS HE NAMED SON "KAL-EL" BECAUSE "IT HAS A MAGICAL RING TO IT: ABRACADABRA KAL-EL SHAZAM!"

If he was any goofier, he'd be Michael Jackson.

SOCIAL CONSERVATIVES WORRIED CERVICAL CANCER VACCINE WOULD ENCOURAGE SEX

Hey, so what if they get cancer? At least they'll be virgins.

ABC HYPES PRUSSIAN BLUE, A SINGING GROUP MADE UP OF LYNX AND LAMB GAEDE, 13-YEAR-OLD WHITE SUPREMACIST TWINS

Just what we need: the Olsen twins in Klan hoods..

EXXON MOBIL POSTS QUARTERLY PROFIT OF $10 BILLION, LARGEST IN US CORPORATE HISTORY

Gouging? Who's gouging?

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