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Santorum rises: The frothy mix is popular with the GOP

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I am writing to thank you. I remember reading your definition of "santorum" when it first appeared. I remember thinking it was a cute way to make fun of a dickhead politician. I never thought it would go this far. But after Iowa, Rick Santorum is in the spotlight again. And so is that frothy mixture. And that's fucking awesome.

Jeff In Wisconsin

Don't thank me, JIW. Thank Rick Santorum for making his bigotry crystal clear in a 2003 interview with the Associated Press. Santorum equated consensual gay sex with child rape and dog fucking, he stated that birth control should be illegal, he argued that states should be able to arrest, prosecute, and imprison people — gay and straight — for private, consensual sex acts.

Thank the Savage Love reader who, after reading that interview, urged me to invite my readers to submit new definitions for Santorum's last name. And thank the readers who — in their wisdom — selected "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex" from a crowded field of equally repulsive candidates.

If it weren't for my creative, kinky, and hilarious readers, an otherwise distressing news cycle — a ranting, raving, washed-up religious bigot tied for first place in the Iowa caucuses?!? — would not have been leavened by such unintentionally hilarious headlines as "Santorum Surges from Behind," "Santorum Runs Hard," and "Romney Squeezes Out Santorum."

Dan Savage is one sick, pathetic excuse for a human being. Truly a sad piece of sh*t. Especially trying to "insert himself" — pun intended — into the GOP presidential race.

Savage Isn't Completely Kind

We redefined "santorum" back in 2003, SICK, long before Santorum was running for president. So it would be more accurate to say that the GOP presidential race has inserted itself into me, not the other way around. And, gosh, I hope there isn't any santorum on the GOP presidential race when it pulls out of me — that would be so embarrassing!

Also embarrassing: Elise Foley's gushing profile of Elizabeth Santorum, Rick's adult daughter, that appeared on the Huffington Post before the Iowa caucuses.

"It is tough [being] a young surrogate for a candidate/father clinging to an older worldview," Foley writes. "Her father's stance on same-sex marriage and gay rights, in particular, has caused some friction from non-supporters. 'It's a policy thing,' [Elizabeth Santorum] said of gay marriage ... Opposed to same-sex marriage herself, Elizabeth said she has gay friends who support her father's candidacy based on his economic and family platforms."

Yeah, it's tough out there for a 'phobe — and it's getting tougher all the time. Rick Santorum was nearly booed off a stage in New Hampshire recently after he insisted that legalizing gay marriage would lead to the legalization of polygamous marriage.

But, hey, Elizabeth Santorum isn't a bigot — she can't be! She has gay friends! And her gay friends support her dad!

Who are these gay people who support Rick Santorum despite his having equated consensual gay sex to child rape and dog fucking? Who are these gay people who support Rick Santorum despite his opposition to gay marriage? Who are these gay people who support Rick Santorum despite his promises to write anti-gay bigotry into the US Constitution, forcibly divorce all legally married same-sex couples in the United States, reinstate DADT, and ban adoptions by same-sex couples? Who are these faggots?

To Ms. Foley and all political reporters out there: When someone like Elizabeth Santorum tells you that she has gay friends and her gay friends support her dad based on his "family platforms," your subject is making an astonishing claim. Your response should be a demand for the names and phone numbers of these friends. You'll either catch the homophobe in a lie or land a fascinating interview with a crazy-ass faggot.

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