I am a 30-year-old woman with a strange problem. I recently started lifting weights, and every time I use the arm machines, I have an orgasm. It is not obvious to anyone else (I think), and my sex life is great outside of the gym. I don't know if I should stop using the machines, because it's rude and kind of weird to have that happening, but it just seems to be a physical reaction to using those muscles. What should I do?
Another 20 reps.
Some women like porn and some women don't mind it. For us women who are otherwise GGG but feel like vomiting at the thought of porn, telling us to use porn — or eat cupcakes (CL, Aug. 3) — will neither relieve the pain caused by our partner's use of porn nor meet our emotional and sexual needs if we decide to opt out of relationships with men entirely. I've tried my whole life to feel OK about porn. I don't. I feel betrayed just the same as if the cheating were "real."
Never Okaying Porn Ever
Porn isn't cheating, NOPE — but let's not argue about that.
Instead, let me just say this: You shouldn't give up on men, because I occasionally get letters from men who think a fag sex columnist is interested in hearing them repeat what the insecure, controlling women in their lives have trained them to say ("There are men out there who don't use porn, and I am one of them!"). If you hang in there long enough, PORN, you'll meet either a guy who honestly doesn't watch porn or a guy who says all the right things ("There are men out there who don't use porn, and I am one of them!") and is conscientious about clearing his browser history.
I am a woman in a relationship with a woman. There's someone else. I haven't cheated. I'm not a cheater. But I cannot get them out of my head. They are directly in my life. And yes, by "they" I mean "him." What the F, Dan! I dream about him, think about him. I try not to. I talk about my girlfriend and how much I love her in front of him. But inside I know the truth. It's becoming hard to be in the same room with him.
What would Dan do if he were mind-cheating constantly and experiencing intense feelings of attraction to someone else?!?
What Would Dan Do?
Dan would go to his boyfriend and say, "Hey, honey, it's been ages since we've had a three-way ..."
But that's easy for Dan to say because Dan's a man and so is his boyfriend, and anyone Dan couldn't get out of his head would be a man, too. That makes any hypothetical mind- and/or body-cheating on my part less threatening to my boyfriend and less destabilizing to our relationship.
So you probably shouldn't do what I would do, WWDD. Instead, you should masturbate furiously, avoid being alone with this man whenever possible, and don't take the wife to see The Kids Are All Right.