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Real Life Top 5

Mike Mitschele

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Hey, what are you laughing at? You think this guy looks funny? Big Mike Mitschele is one of Charlotte's more dedicated artistes, most recently as a member in good standing of soon-to-be-rock-stars the Alternative Champs, earnest purveyors of the fine art of... GOSH! That's such bullshit! The only thing the Champs purvey is a steady stream of nonsense somewhere in the realm of Monty Python, Randy Newman, Frank Zappa, General Johnson and Rush. The Champs do have a fine new album, Welcome to Fort Awesome, coming in August on MoRisen Records. In the meantime, when Big Mike isn't acting a fool on stage, he's thinking a fool. Like this week... he's been thinking about his favorite hairdo's. (And that's a mighty nice one on him.) Take it away, Mike:

1. The Brush Cut. "Also known as the Ditka,' it gets its name because the hair is cut to stand up like the bristles of a brush. You have to have thick hair for this to work."

2. White Walls. "A flattop haircut in which the back and sides of the head are shaved clean leaving about an inch of space between the ears and hair line. Often seen migrating towards Myrtle Beach in the spring and summer.

3. The Block Party. "Also known as The Bozo.' I made this one up as an alternative to the Mullet, it's a party on the sides and business in the front and back.

4. The Dart Board. "A tough one to pull off. For the outer ring, you must have a completely shaved head, a unibrow, a thin-line beard and somehow connect your eyebrows to your sideburns. For the inner ring, you just grow a narrow circle of hair around your mouth. I can't wait to try this one out!

5. The Tiny Tail. "Also known as the What the Hell is Going On Back There?' Found on the back of the heads of people who think they have long enough hair for a pony tail, usually sticks straight out and consists more of hair tie than actual hair. A peach fuzz moustache is a great complement to balance out the front."

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