Well, 2009 was a heck of a year, and I must say that I am looking forward to 2010. But, there are some things and people that should be left behind with last year:
• Snuggies. I don't know who came up with this great idea, but awful execution. It is the most unattractive product I have ever seen. Blankets, throws, sheets, even curtains wrapped around a person look better.
• Jay-Z and Beyoncé. We get it. You are a super couple, and you rule the charts and the awards shows. Oh, yeah, and you're moguls with your diversified list of assets and brands. You drop a new album every six months and a new music video each month -- oh so ultra productive. You're young, talented and fabulous, but how much coochie-popping, nut-grabbing and performing the same song over and over again can one girl take? Less B and Jigga, more Cube and Yo-Yo. Take some time off and work on creating a super family.
• Forty-year-old stars trying to compete with 20-year-olds. Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Toni Braxton, Mariah Carey, Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong -- "go somewhere and sit down." It is embarrassing to say the least when folks refuse to age gracefully. I get it: You are iconic (sans McConaughey) and strive to be at the top of your game. But don't play yourself in the process. Mariah Carey and Toni Braxton have enough singing talent in their pinky fingers that they shouldn't even be worried about nay-singers like Ciara, Britney, Rihanna and ... fill in the blank with young, hot talentless performer. Madonna, Janet Jackson and J.Lo crush them in the dance department. Heck, Madonna and Janet are two of the world's greatest entertainers, so why even acknowledge the peons. Just do what you do. That doesn't mean settle; it just means do you, which at your worst is greater than these tarts -- I mean starlets -- at their best. And J.Lo, leave the cat suits at home. You're someone's mother now.
• Speaking of 40-year-olds trying to stay relevant, Vivica A. Fox, please retire. You have set women, 40-year-olds, grown-ups, African-Americans, people from Indianapolis, mediocre actors, chicken heads -- any category that you occupy -- back at least 100 years. I guess you didn't get the memo that black doesn't crack, with all of that plastic surgery. Oh well. I'll give you a pass on looking surprised all of the time, but crying over the rapper 50 Cent, "Curtis is what you call him," on national television? What self-respecting 40-plus woman would date a guy with digits in his name? It's bad enough that your ex-husband was named "Six Nine." CL readers, you have permission to slap the hell out of me if I'm 40 and hugged up with a lame rapper; did I mention a rapper who put her on "Front Street" and called her a stalker? What does she do? Stars as a stalker chick in 50's latest video. Vivica is acting like a chicken head gone wild.
• Did I say corny? Chris Brown and Rihanna, please take a break. The irony of your domestic violence incident is that it has highlighted how little talent each of you possesses, to such an extent that both have tried to capitalize on the incident and failed miserably. Brown is throwing tantrums on Twitter -- brilliant PR work since that behavior ties directly in with him being a batterer. Rihanna gives an interview about it to coincide with the release of her latest album in November, not with domestic violence awareness month in October. Seems a bit disingenuous -- that and releasing music videos with you walking around damn near naked after album sales have tanked. Since they're both young, I'll translate: Go away. That is what the public wants.
• Embattled politicians, athletes and stars, some of whom have been "allegedly" engaged in illicit affairs. Bye Gov. Sanford, former Sen. John Edwards, Tiger Woods, LeAnn Rimes, Eddie Cibrian, Alicia Keys, Swizz Beats, Fantasia, Shaquille O'Neal ... who cares? It is clear that promiscuity and polyamorous behavior are staples in these industries; so let them do what they do. Just don't hog the news cycle with yet another story of an elected official stepping out on wifey.
• Lady Gaga, aka Lady "Gag me with a spoon." You're ridiculously talented, but must you gross us out continuously? I understand being over the top -- but the blood, blood and blood is ridiculous. Posing on your balcony wearing a bloody sanitary napkin? Gross. How about this? Less Gaga, more Pink, who is truly the baddest chick in pop music right now.
• Ringtones. If you're over the age of 18 and have a ringtone, you're lame. You're too old to have one when you're too old to remember to cut it off in important places. I never want to hear R. Kelly's "12-Play" in church again.
• Last but not least, President Obama. Hopefully, the novelty of a black president has worn off so that we don't have to see photos of him doing uneventful things like breathing. I'd like to see more legislation and less photos/videos of him. President Obama's face is plastered everywhere to such an extent that I keep waiting for celebrity publicist Lizzie Grubman to pop out of Air Force One right behind him. Enough already. We get it. He's young, black and handsome. Move on already.